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A redacted copy of the SSA flatulence reprimand letter was posted to The Smoking Gun website.
It sounds like a "Dilbert" cartoon come to life, but the Social Security Administration has taken back a reprimand it gave to an employee who was written up for "passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor" that created a "hostile work environment."
The official charge was "Conduct unbecoming a Federal employee." More specifically, "On September 7, 2012, and continuing, you disrupted the work floor by passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor."
A copy of the letter, along with a picture of the employee at an amusement park standing next to an actor in a Pepe Le Pew costume, was published on TheSmokingGun.com.
The letter included a timestamped log accurate to the minute, documenting 60 separate-gas passing incidents from the employee in his office in three months, or about 9 per day.
The average person passes gas 14 times per day.
Medical conditions such as Crohn's disease, irritable bowel syndrome, and lactose intolerance, can cause sufferers to have chronic gas problems. The employee told management he was lactose intolerant.
"You have submitted medical evidence that you have some medical conditions," the letter read, "however, nothing that you have submitted has indicated that you would have uncontrollable flatulence. It is my belief that you can control this condition."
Several of the employee's coworkers in the "module," or work area, had complained to management about the smell. A supervisor, Deputy Division Director and a Module Manager all spoke with the employee on separate occasions about his need to control his flatulence.
"You said that you would try to pass gas and that you would turn your fan on when it happens," the Module Manager wrote of a discussion that took place on May 18, 2012. "I explained to you that turning on the fan would cause the smell to spread and worsen the air quality in the module."
On August 14th the employee promised to purchase "Gas X" in order to limit his gas output.
Another incident, dated August 15th, noted "you have continued to release the odor and it has become intolerable to work in the module creating a hostile work environment for all your coworkers."
The letter quoted guidelines from the "Annual Personnel Reminder" and "2012 SSA/AFGE National Agreement" which the Module Manager claimed the employee had violated, including "courtesy and consideration while dealing with coworkers" and "refrain from coercive, intimidating, loud or abusive behavior."
If the "misconduct" was continued after the reprimand letter, it could lead to "more severe disciplinary action...including, removal from federal service."
Reached for comment, SSA spokesperson Mark Hinkle told TODAY, "A reprimand was issued to the employee; however, when senior management became aware of the reprimand it was rescinded on December 17, 2012. The agency cannot comment further due to privacy concerns. "
Leave a Comment:
Hahahahahahahaha !!!!!
That's the funniest thing I read all day.......oh his poor working comrades.....
This sounds like a textbook case of Farters Discrimination, and I'm glad the senior managers were able to sniff that one out, and clean up their act!
You need to go to Uranus and wipe out the Klingons!
I don't know... Something smells funny about this story.
Are they silent but deadlys or tooters?
Is it so hard for fedral employers to fire someone they come up with this? Farting? Oh I want me a good ole federal job.
ROTFLMAO - what a great story. Of course not so great for this person's co-workers. I used to work with a guy from Sweden that was always hacking up luggers. And he was a manager. You could hear him all over the office. And it seemed to be more of a nervous habit then a health problem since it was year round. We, while disgusted, just laughed our rears off at this guy.
Damn ... reprimanded for dropping a little ass ... that's just wrong.
Dude... this is not funny... I used to work with a guy who could clear out a room in seconds after one of his farts. They were 10x worse than fresh skunk. If you stayed in that room for more than a few seconds you started gagging and your eyes were watering like mad. That guy was a human weapon of (m)ass destruction, a walking poison gas factory. And he had a matching personality. We were all greatly relieved when he got a different job.
Wait ....
Not you ladies, right .....?
Tell me all those beautiful babies I see walking around my office aren't letting toots escape.
Nope, women aren't allowed to fart, that's why they get their periods instead.
He needs that odor adsorbing seat cushion....It silences the fart and absorbs it odor. Farts only smell when the bowels have something in them. He needs to go to the bathroom more often....
Chad - Women don't fart - so they have to bitch or they would blow up...
The movie "The Office" was on last night and this story reminds me of the guy who ended up in the basement with his desk in the dark. He ended up with the last laugh and I suspect this will be the case here.......
So layoff the milk, ice cream and cheese @sshole.
Aw come on... the @zzhole just didn't know when to shut up...
Eric, you are an adolescent. This is not a good situation. Assuming that this person truly can not control it, they live with an embarrassing disorder which places others in an uncomfortable and less than tolerable environment. I would not want to be in this environment breathing someone's discharges.
Beano..............it's the right thing to do.
The poor discriminated, misunderstood farters of the world UNITE.
We proclaim you to be the newest protected minority.
NO MORE making fun of you. That will be considered bullying.
It would be considered racist, but only when/if we determine FARTER to be a race.
I can laugh at this, but I feel for the guy. I had gastric bypass surgery and had my gallbladder taken out. Ever since anything that is just a little too spicy or too fatty (I keep track but you can't monitor everything you eat all the time for this) I would be passing gas non stop. Gasx helps, but makes your farts smell like minty crap. Its very embarrassing. I am glad I have my own office now.
Maybe they can move his cube to a vacant bathroom stall.
Can't he just leave his desk and fart in the bathroom 9 times a day? This is just plain rude.
..."Sadly we lost Gus Partenza to explosive outgasing."
It's just improper breathing. In through the nose, out the ass.
This all sounds like a lot of hot air to me.
Some people think it's funny to fart and make other people smell their @!$%#. The co-workers should have tied this fat ass up and @!$%# on his face and see if it funny then. Gas can be controlled with Gas Ex.
I'm curious. I noted at the bottom of the letter, in the "DISCUSSION" section, there was mention made of being "referred to Employee Assistance" for the problem.
Does this mean the poor SOB needed help blowing the cheese? How would such an Employee Assistance department function?
Encouragement? "C'mon, Larry, bear down, you can do it!"
Desk-mounted adaptive aid? "Just grab the edges of of the Fartronic 6200 and let 'er rip!"
Instructive 47-page government manual? "Dare to Emit: Pooting in the 21st Century; Get to Know Your Inner Ass."
I have heard my wife only fart during child birth once , and at one time I was taking a med called "precose" that made me fart uncontrollably , even had the walking farts from it...for about 3 months my nickname was "toot toot" at work...it was funny tho , it went away after the doc changed the script..after I complained
OMG... I laughed so hard at the story, THEN I had to start reading the comments!! ROTFLMAO!!!
So what's wrong with a "one cheek sneak"?
When I was in the military and heard somebody rip one off we'd ask "Col. Who?"
This guy obviously hasn't heard the old adage "it's better to burp it up and taste it than let a fart and waste it."
I was a guitar player in a certain church band awhile ago. Every practice and every sunday two of the pastors kids would "drop ass" while playing in front of the congregation.This was usually 100 people or so. Nothing could be said but everyone was aware of who the "offenders" were. It got so bad that i started bringing a can of industrial air freshener that we had at work.When ever the "offense" occured i blasted right back. I was told to stop because the "odor" was offensive. I quit that band and church.
Haha, I like it when somebody comes into my office after I relieve myself of some extra air. The look on their face is priceless. I always give them an innocent, "What?"
Hey GLCSR -what in the article makes you think he's overweight? Your comment is as rude as you obviously think he is. You think only overweight people pass gas? You have another think coming. What a tard.
BREAKING NEWS IN THE POOTERGATE STORY:
The employee is being represented in connection with the reprimand by a lawyer for his union, AFGE Local 1923.
The attorney's office has confirmed that they intend to employ a defense based on English Saxon law, "Ye Olde Trouser Cough," now known as the "Arkansas Barking Spider" defense: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
So did the SSA effectively ban 'farts'??? No @!$%#. LMAO
Put a cork in it!
call it survival of the fittest. if you can't handle my sulfur farts, quit.
Wait ....
Not you ladies, right .....?
Tell me all those beautiful babies I see walking around my office aren't letting toots escape.
=====================
no, they are not. women will not fart in the presence of another human, so they store them up somewhere and let them out whenever they can. if you smell fart and a woman made it, it was because she exploded from the pressure buildup. on a related note, few things will make a woman more angry than to fart loudly next to her in a crowded public place and immediately act like she did it
just like the campfire scene in blazing saddles...
except no campfire!
I've got to thank all of you!!! I usually get anxious getting ready to go for my chemo and play on the computer or read a few news items to just relax before I have to leave. Today....I can't stop laughing and haven't had this much fun in a long time....I just have to say, you are some pretty creative people out there....
A big Thanks.
i also have to add that on the very few occasions when i have actually heard a woman fart, 100% of the time she busted out laughing, they think it is funnier than guys do
This is a person with disabilities thing. The reason farts stink is so the deaf can enjoy them too. All inclusive.
Want some more beans Mr Taggert?
I'd say you boys have had enough!
Also, lay off the baked beans, asparagus, and anything from Taco Bell.
Also, the smell of Glade, Febreze, or Lysol can be just as offensive as a fart...many people are just as offended by "fresh" smells as "foul" smells.
LorraineH
Best of luck, all prayers and good wishes for a speedy recovery, and be well!
Great news! It looks like the world's largest deposit of natural gas has been discovered in our very own Social Security office! They say this supply will never run out! While this is great news for American energy independence, our Arab friends really look at this as a stinky situation!
Some scumbag employees do this on purpose and without any respect to others. I have seen male employees do it to piss off boses and female staff. So, i would say there are times that a supervisior might be called to put a stop to it.
gcooper8 and LorraineH -
I have a confession to make. I am a "mystery farter." When I go grocery shopping, and feel the need to help gas leave, I find a crowded aisle, usually in the canned vegetables and fruit aisle. I pass the noxious cloud then hurry to the end of the aisle to watch the reactions to people who get slammed in the nose by the hideous, invisible stench.
Also, back when I was a firefighter, we used to have farting contests at the firehouse. The guys (no women at the time), would eat all sorts of disgusting things for lunch in the hopes of causing evening gas... In the day room, after the end of the shift, everyone would gather to eat their evening meal. About 30 minutes later, it would start. The farts were rated by abruptness, tonal quality, duration, and, of course, the stench. Like an Olympic event, the scores went from zero to 10.
One of the more unusual farters was a volunteer Captain by the name of 'Frenchy' and he could fart on demand. Someone could say, "Hey Frenchy, how about one?" Frenchy would respond by lifting one of his legs a little bit and cracking off a loud fart. He had the ability to do this almost anytime someone asked. I often wondered if Frenchy had ever experienced a SHART. That is also known as a 'Surprise,' meaning a fart with a lump in it. The book, Golfing In America, Golfing Observations & Train Travel Amid Short Stories, also includes some hilarious firehouse anecdotes.
I cannot fathom working in the vicinity of someone like this. As much as it's possible this could be a medical condition. Other employees may experience the correspondence condition of a gag reflex, and they are entitled to be free from that!
I'm glad we could clear this up... smile :-)
This guy has a problem. So . . . the government's response: write him up. Stupidity like this costs taxpayers a tremendous amount of money. So, who cares? It's just tax dollars that pay for lawsuits like the one this guy obviously has just been delivered. How about we get an administration that actually runs their business . . . and not try to run world.
Next thing and before anyone notices, carrying a can of air freshener strapped to the hip and a sign on the back saying “Beware, using an open fire within 10 feet of me is a health hazard”, will be part of everyone’s employment contract in the public sector.
thetruthhurtssometimes,
I read your post and it reminded me about this little video clip a lady friend sent me a couple days after we had a discussion about the topic. She said it was all about having self control that most men don't seem to have. She said we just feel one coming and just do it without even thinking. Women of course are far more considerate of others and simply don't do that.
I apologize in that I don't ordinarily link to such stuff, but it pertains to the topic at hand an it is spretty funny. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJvF94BLs8Q
gcooper8
Thank you for the well wishes and prayers. That was very nice of you.
I spray Febreeze or Oust when I notice a smell from the cat litter box. It seems to work pretty well.
Never married..love my Taco Bell bean Burritos...teach outdoors...when you let one loose...it evaporates quicker towards the stratoshpere...hey I must be causing global warming...love to fart watching footbal...love to fart in bed and that sweet incense permeating through the sheets...man they would fire my old gassey butt LMFAO!
Seriously? Women don't fart??? Hmmm, I've personally locked all the car doors and windows...letting the SBD go and had to contain my giggles until my husband and son's were finally engulfed by the stench and started furiously trying to roll down the windows for fresh air...and then I would laugh till I almost peed my pants.
Women fart...as much as men, some of us just accept reality instead of trying to blame it on the dog, or the kid, or the stranger. You want to laugh...look up Jack Vale on youtube. Funniest fart videos you'll ever see!
I'd rather sit next to someone that farts all day than someone that wears too much stinky perfume.
MAtt - I agree, but rather than use the term perfume (implies ladies only) lets call it cologne (men use that too.) I worked for a guy who wore so much that we smelled him at the top of the stairs - to track him we needed no dogs.
Seriously over use of cologne/after shave/etc is a trigger for a lot of folks with asthma - but I haven't heard that gas passed via farting causes issues.
A coworker of mine wears a lot of patchouli, and it smells like B.O. Can't say that I'd prefer a fart though.
dingleb- depends what the person ate. i wouldn't mind a fart over bad cologne if all the person ate was salads and water.
Not so sure about that. My wife eats a lot of salad, and let me tell you...whew wee can she lay 'em!
I can't stop laughing at the comments. Everyone has a co-worker horror story concerning smell or sound. Keep 'em coming. DingleB - you cracked me up. But then again bathroom/butt humor always cracks me up. Easily entertained.
true. vegans take the smelliest poos
Plus, they wear patchouli.
I used to work with a Vegan and the bathroom would be totally polluted after she exited. LMAO - I forgot about that.
It's not the fart but the hang time that gets you.
Seriously you know you have a gas problem but to cheap to buy Beano, GasX etc.
Are you kidding ... I've got a 12 yo daughter that can actually make me gag when she lets go.. long, loud AND unbelievably stinky
The one thing with a fart, the smell will go away, the perfume and cologne will not until the person leaves. I will take the fart smell
Dingle --
I always thought that "patchouli" smelled like RAID. Could never understand why someone would douse themselves with bug killer, unless maybe if they had head lice.
How about a candle in his cube or a container of air freshener at ahnd?
Surely someone in that office sells Scentsy!
Sounds like some A$$Hole was talking behind his back
Yes SUDS IN DENVER there are certain things that guarantee a laugh in life.
Anything with a midget or a monkey. A fart in church.
Watch out for the candle, you know what a good fart and a fire can do.
nasty
Rippin' 'em in a crowd is great sport! Blame the dog!
Dam ants, never can see em, but you sure can smell em.
While meds like Beano or GasX might work for some people, I suspect they might not work for others. While I certainly sympathise with the coworkers I can't help but feel sorry for this guy. I can't believe he wants to stink up the cubicle and make everyone hate him.
That said, some people really do stink bad. Animals too. My dog can clear a room in three seconds flat.
They make a charcoal lined underwear for people that have had gastric bypass surgery. The surgery causes really noxious gas and the underwear is supposed to filter the gas. This dude needs to check that out. I can not believe that he can't either avoid some of that or at least go to the bathroom to do it. that's just disgusting!!!!
Funny, I wonder if this individual has ever tried beano??
Doesn't always work in cases of digestive issues. Since my stomach has severe aversion to dairy in general(both intolerance and allergic, though not severely allergic) I can wholly sympathise with this individual. Depending on the severity, even something around milk could set him off.
It is also quite embarrasing as well, because you feel horrible about exposing your co-workers to something you cannot entirely control. My bet is he bought stuff to try and controll his gas, and it did not work. I mean really the only thing he can do is limit his exposure to lactose, and hope for the best, because holding it in can create other, more severe medical issues.
He said he cannot tolerate lactose. If he knows this he should not use any dairy product. Seems pretty simple to me.
Easier said than done; do you have any idea how many foods contain dairy? Depending on how bad his allergy is, it can be all but impossible to eliminate it from a diet. And everybody passes gas, it's just that for most it goes unnoticed.
He has my sympathy; I'm lactose intolerant also, besides having dozens of food allergies that contribute yet more gas in one degree or another, making it impossible to 'diet' around it (which he may also have without knowing). Add in surgery for a hiatial hernia so I can no longer burp, and there's only one exit left....
Thats like when my doctor told me to knock off on the coffee. I just never went back to the doctor.
Not always as simple as you think. Do you know what's in everything you eat? Read the label! Milk products are in lots of foods you wouldn't expect . . . kind of like salt and sugar. I often think, "What's THAT doing in there?"
I am enjoying the funny comments!
Our son has a milk allergy and has to read the whole label on everything he puts in his mouth. Even something as simple as a business luncheon or dinner can deal him a fit. You would be amazed at the number of menu items that have milk or a milk derivative in them.
And asking to not have cheese or butter put on something frequently doesn't work because the server or the kitchen isn't smart enough to figure it out. He took us to IHOP and his French toast came out with butter on it (after he specified no butter). The server took it back and it came with no butter AND no powdered sugar. Back it went and then the manager showed up to inquire as to the problem (finally got the point across) and his meal was free.
And flatulence is not his problem. His doctors have not been able to differentiate between Krohn's, ulcerative colitis (his mother's problem), and irritable bowel syndrome (my problem). That makes appropriate treatment ride a very fine edge between helping him and making the problem a whole lot worse.
So y'all don't laugh too loudly; something similar could happen to you someday.
And certain medications will also exacerbate the situation. Are you a diabetic and take Metformin? Then expect gas. Beano doesn't touch it and neither does Gas-X and similar products. Bowel movements don't help. Add that on top of something like irritable bowel syndrome and the gas is going to happen and it is going to come out. Oh, and some workplaces won't let you use a deoderant type of thing in your cubicle because that "odor" also upsets people.
The quantity of gas resulting from lactose intolerance is related to the amount of lactose you ingest. The logical person would limit his lactose intake or take a lactase supplement (e.g., Lactaid). I know of no one with or without lactose intolerance that farts all day long in the work setting. Either this person is incorrect regarding his/her diagnosis or is a plain old slob.
Digestive Advantage made by Schiff.You take it everyday so you don't have to worry about hidden lactose in food.But all I can say is,"Wow".The Social Security Administration has bigger fish to fry.Not only that,his supervisor should have suggested that he visit a doctor,they do have health insurance,and go out on disability to rule out a more serious cause.Writing letters and documenting a perfectly normal bodily function is beyond dumb.His supervisor should be shown the door.
Maybe a sign should be posted......."This is zero fart tollerence work place". Good thing they can't smoke, 'cause they might blow the place sky high! I'd hold a match to his ass and try to launch him out of the roof like a rocket. "See ya!"
Dammit man! Don't you know "Fart Free Zones" only invite criminal farters to prey on the defenseless? The only defense against a bad guy with a fart, is a good guy with a fart.
Terrific comment!
When farts are outlawed ..only outlaws will have farts....
Guilty as charged. I worked in a telephony operations center in a 12X17 glass enclosed office with a obnoxious belligerant alcoholic jerk. Eating a hearty Mexican lunch and letting him have it in the afternoon was a effective was of dealing with him. It did get him away from me that's for sure. As did a Gyros platter that he could not stand the smell of. As a gyros can cause a unpleasant odor once eaten.
You'l get me to quit farting when you pry the last one from my cold dead cheeks.
Seems as though you folks haven't been to a beer hall that sells pickled eggs. Nothing better to blister the paint off the office walls.
Very passive-agressive behavior devil's son?
People that argued and fought with him always ended up loosing in the long run as it only made him worse. So passive was the way to win and keep my sanity. Payback's a bitch.
OMG, Those poor people who work with him. Besides, if he is lactose intolerant, then why is he continuing to eat dairy unless of course, he finds this all very funny. What a moron.
Trust me, its not as easy as you would think. Dairy(and dairy by-products) is in a lot of stuff. I know, I have to look out for it myself.
I feel more sorry for the guy who's farting. How humiliating! Not all intestines are created equal, and it's unlikely that Beano or Lactaid would solve the problem. The types of bacteria in the gut influence flatulence and odor, but that's not something you can control. It isn't known why some people's intestines harbor very different bacteria than other people. They should give him a private office or move his desk to a location where fewer people are bothered. Just as with any disability, he deserves reasonable accommodations.
That's why you need to read labels.
Helicohunter...good suggestion, this was one solution.
Having had to deal with this in an office environment as the corporate maintenance professional, we solved the problem with an exhaust fan over the source, and the installation of an automated atomizer.
Febreze anyone? It'll cure anything short of a violent case of the SBDs, ask any dog owner.
As i have bad chemical allergies, i agree with matt's comment above.
Not to mention "Let he/she who has never farted, cast the first stone?"
fart
Hehe, you said fart.
Pull my finger.
Bad news for the nearest Taco Bell!
How about putting a desk for him over a toilet seat in the rest room? That is one noxious person!
the article said he was farting. not pooping his pants. he doesn't need to be relocated. people just need to suck it up.
Pooping one's pants is definately grounds for disciplinary action though.
Only if someone finds out!
Yeah... um.. we're gonna need you to move your desk..
I would get together with my other co-workers and everytime I had to fart, would go crop-dusting* by his desk!
*crop-dusting-a layman's term for emitting flatulence while continuing to walk, therby "dusting" everyone in the vacinity. aka "The Walkin Farts". From the handbook "Farting for Dummies".
Fighting fire w/ fire. Weren't these people ever in high school? College? The Military? Crop dusting is the first line of defense every time.
I smell a new reality show! Fart Wars! You heard it here first!
Crop Dusting? Really? I have never heard that term and my brother is king of bathroom humor. I feel so uninformed.
Sorry Suds, but your still an amateur. Once you get a few years under your belt, you can hang with the pros!
FlaNative - you did not grow up with my brother. I have earned my angel wings for surviving my childhood with this guy where this is concerned. But I will bring up crop dusting next time we talk. I love it when I learn something new - even something disgusting.
I have tears all over my keyboard and my sides hurt.
...but did you know in Florida there is actually one of those stupid laws still on the books and "You may not fart in a public place after 6p.m. on Thursdays." 
I don't know about you but I usually am in a bathroom or have my pants on it's never public. Never on Thursday!
Crop dusting! Ha! We call it "The Old Sh*t and Run"
I believe nowadays "crop dusting" has been supplanted by the more modern phrase "click and drag"
"Spew and brew"
What a great way to end my work day!
Laughter is the best medicine - maybe the tooter should laugh more!
Mom, do farts have lumps? No? Then I just crapped my pants......
GOT GAS?
Your son RIP is on line TOOT
If you have enough gas you can go duck hunting with cork! Think about it!
According to a very wise co-worker, I was once advised, guys fart - ladies fluffy.
The NFA (Nartiona Fart Association) will not stand for this curtailment of our constitutional right to fart in public. Time to lawyer up and lobby the hill. This must be stopped now! What next!? Will we have to have waiting period to buy beans?
I understand that Biden did consult with the NFA in his recent discussions at the WH?
Yes he is going to propose a ban on all assault farts including silent but deadly and crop dusting!:)
Well, I gues I can understand outlawing silencers, as a good fart should not be stifled!
If we're going down the political road, this poor guy's flatulence probably couldn't hold a candle to the 'kalanga' that's been coming from our congressionals for the last several years.
Hope this guy's not sitting on grandma's social security checks!
?
Lactose intolerant? QUIT DRINKING MILK!!! Be considerate of those who have to smell air that's been wafting across your poop and let it out in the bathroom or something.
A lot of dairy products in food, other than milk--how about, underwear that comes with an air filter--sort of sucking up the fumes before escaping?
There you go. Activated charcoal lined underwear. Muffles the sound and the smell...
Shreddies makes some fart filtering underwear...
Believe it or not, they actually do make underwear with a pouch in the back for an activated charcoal fart filter. Strange, but true.
I think I work with that guy. There is a guy in another room where I work that passes gas all day, and its nasty. His co-workers hate it. And its no medical condition, he's just a fat lazy nasty slob.
You work at the SSA? I've got several disability claims pending for clients. Plug you nose, spray some air freshener, and get on those please.
I can't. I have a condition that causes instant vomit the moment I smell farts.
TFNJ
Does LitterHater work at the Dinosaur Bone Factory also?
I've never asked Litterhater if he even works. And I only work at a dino facotory in his imagination. I just dont do anything to spoil his dream.
TFNJ
I know and I get a tickle every time I read you both going back and forth - hilarious answers and you egg him on just right!
Haven't seen any of LitterHater for awhile, he must be off his meds. Or out along the highway picking up cigarette butts! LOL
Funny how he grasps a concept and distorts all to his liking. His posts sounds like lines from Rain Man, the Dustin Hoffman movie.
Yeah I think its just his version of silly humor.
However, all those involved with the investigation are still experiencing the lingering effects.
Thanks for the best laugh I've had today! For once, I read a genuinely funny article without any political overtones. I'm glad to see that not all the people who post on MSNBC try to blame everything on the Republicans, Democrats, or any other political affiliation.
Maybe what we need once in a while is a good laugh - it takes our minds off the other depressing news.
Bush farted!
And Sh!t all over the country and Cheney said....pull my finger!
Ofartma wants to make them illegal.
But grant amnesty to those already loose!
Dingle and Fla, thanks hahahahahah, I'll give those to ya!
Everybody farts. Even the Pope.
I thought he sh_t in the woods. I must be confused with another cliche?
I think it's George Bush's fault. hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is this going to be covered under ObamaCare????
It is BUSH's Fault!!!
Lol, I saw this product called a flatulence filter, its a cushion you sit on and let em rip. Maybe this guy should buy one...lol
Actually Johnnym75, they make men's underwear with a small pocket in back that you put a tea-bag sized pouch of potpourri in and when you let one rip, it smells like fresh flowers. The "Mountain Air" is my favorite flavor though! They do however eliminate the beneficial results of crop dusting.
Fla, arrrggghhhh, hahahahah, just the thought of loose potpourri--after the rain my favorite.
So its basically a fart catcher then..
Kinda like a "Dream Catcher"............but different.
Oh I heard a toot, make a wish!
Every time TFNJ smells a fart, a fairy gets its wings.
Eructation will become the new protected class under the "Americans with Disablities Act - wait for it.
BTW: For those who found this funny - read Ben Franklin's "Essay on Farting" (Really!) It has some helpful hints for the offender in this office.
Franklin was really a hoot!
Then farts are mystical, and when you smell one, a fairy is looking over you.
Apologies!
Ben Franklin's "Treatise on Farting."
What if you shart and liquify the potpourri ... I bet it would make for a pretty pattern.
F.king hilarious comments you crazy fart partiers
I'm crying I am laughing so hard. A fairy gets its wings? Hysterical. This blog is the greatest. Good job.
Actually Chad, you can get the optional "blast shields" when you order. It prevents just what you're talking about!
"Breaking" news . . . .
It must be a "flat" news day.
Ben Franklin's "Letter to the Royal Academy of Farting", as mentioned above, is really quite amusing. Thanks for pointing it out, mpa. You can find it here:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=470
It's short (for an essay!), so it's worth checking it out. Ben Franklin was a very amusing man, with some terrifically funny writings!
Laughing so hard I farted:) Is that a faugh or a lart?
Ever cough, fart, sneeze, and burp at the same time? It hurts.
Better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it...
If you burp and fart at the same time, it taste good, smells good it's ALL good!
Or treaties on Farting...or Letter to Royal Academy
Thanks. The parts I've read are awesome. Gotta love old Ben.
TFNJ - you need to go on David Letterman's show if you can do all four at the same time. I am in awe.
Suds,
Here is another victim of this condition.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChfFEQP8mLs
First thread that has made me smile in weeks!
Beans beans they make you smart, the more you eat the more you fart. The more you fart the better you feel, eat beans for every meal!
Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you eat the more you toot.....
Beans, beans, good for your heart!
Here I sit, all broken hearted, tried to work, but always farted...
Excuse me please for being so rude. It was not me, it was my food. It got so lonely down below, it just popped out to say, "Hello!".
I have had a similar experience and it was fun watching them run!
As humorous as many of you seem to think it is, its really not. Its an embarrasing, and difficult to solve issue. Digestive aids, gas remedies, food avoidance, ect. do not always work(Go ahead, start looking for completely dairy-free products. Its not as simple as you think, and you become very limited. Some of the alternatives are ok, but a lot of it is down right nasty). Anyone who has digestive issues would know this. Nevermind that if the guy has any kind of decency, he feels horrible about it. Its not something that you can just stop. He could try to hold it in, yes, but that can result in a trip to the ER, if he was even able to hold it in in the first place.
Um, sorry, that wasn't very funny man. Try harder next time.
I think a more serious issue is the fact that we now have to smell our Social Security forms for offensive odor.
Note to self: Don't sit near Eric at work . . .
Eric-2189088 I now dub thee: Debbie Downer.
One issue that I can see from the hilarious picture of the fart offender next to Pepe Le Pieu is that the guy is obese. If his digestive system is messed up, it is likely just really mad at him for forcing it to process so much food. Portion control. Avoid products with lactose in them. Hell, if someone can change their diet to not include Gluten, I'm pretty sure he can figure out a way to cut dairy. Or at least minimize it to the point where it's not an issue.
Eric, you are a total bummer. You need some serious pumping up.
You know what else sucks? People farting on public transportation. Euw. Light rail can become more deadly from gas then the flu.
How about we set a lighter next to Eric and let him go into space without a space suit? With as much gas as he has from being an arrogant windbag, he can surely redirect that gas into the other place just as easily, too. About the only other person that deserves it more than him is Howard Stern.
Tums for the tummy!
Yes it's bad on the Light Rail .. but a million times worse in a night club in the middle of a crowded dance floor. There is no escape !
...the guy should run for congress--i hear they are full of ... gas........................
This is the best laugh that I have had all day....
Seriously, I'm quite sure that there is MORE IMPORTANT that should be done, rather than making this poor mans' life miserable.
From what I understand, the guy knew he had a lactose intolerance problem, and just didn't give a...um, care. He kept eating pudding all day and letting them rip. The poor person sharing his mod had move it up the chain in order to get anything done.