E-mail updates
Follow on Twitter
Subscribe to RSS
PhotoAlto/Michele Constantini | PhotoAlto Agency RF Collections | Getty Images
Sometimes you just don't want it.
OK, I’ve done it. And quite frankly, I always feel guilty about regifting.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the present. But sometimes you get something that you really don’t like or can’t use, and there’s no way to take it back to the store. You don’t want to offend the person who gave it to you and you don’t want to throw it away. So you pass it along to someone else who might appreciate it more.
Is this a resourceful way of dealing with an unwanted gift? Or is this rude and distasteful behavior?
The Wall Street Journal recently reported that regifting, “once a social taboo, is gradually gaining in acceptance.” The Journal points to a nationwide consumer spending survey done by American Express last year. More than half the respondents (58 percent) said it was OK to regift sometimes and 79 percent believed regifting during the holidays is acceptable. Of the 2,000 people questioned, nearly a quarter admitted to regifting at least one present the previous holiday season.
But there’s more. A new paper, “The Gift We Keep on Giving,” published by Psychological Science, concludes that regifting is not as offensive to the original givers as regifters assume.
Researchers from Stanford, Harvard and the London Business School conducted five studies that examined both hypothetical scenarios and actual regifting among friends.
They found that gift recipients believed regifting was as bad as throwing the present in the garbage. Gift givers, on the other hand, were significantly more offended by trashing their presents. They’d be much happier if that gift were given to someone else.
What causes this split perception?
It appears to be linked to different views about entitlement. The authors concluded: “Givers believed that the act of gift giving passed title to the gift on to receivers, so that receivers were free to decide what to do with the gift; in contrast, receivers believed that givers retained some say in how their gifts were used.”
In other words, we may feel guilty when we regift because we believe that present came with strings attached, even though that may not be the case. This makes us assume the act of regifting is more offensive to the original gift-giver than it actually is.
One more interesting finding: When study participants were presented with the concept of a “National Regifting Day” as a way to remove the stigma from regifting, they felt better about the practice.
Based on their work, the researchers suggest a simple solution to the increased practice of regifting.
“Givers should encourage receivers to use their gifts as they please,” they write, “perhaps going so far as to tell receivers that they will not be offended if the receiver chooses to regift – or at least, not as offended as receivers might expect.”
The authors say further study is needed to examine regifting based on the relationship between the giver and the recipient. Because the gifts given by close friends are often different from those given by acquaintances, regifting may have more negative consequences in these situations.
They suggest that “regifting symbolic gifts – for example, a hand-sewn scarf—may be more likely to offend givers because it sends a stronger signal that receivers do not value their relationship with the givers.”
Should you hide the fact that you're regifting?
This study did not examine that. But lead researcher Gabrielle Adams, an assistant professor at London Business School, was asked that question in an interview published on the website of the Association for Psychological Science.
“If I were to guess, I would say that regifters should not try to hide the fact that they are regifting, and instead should emphasize that the reason they are regifting is because they think it is better suited to the receiver than it was to them,” she responded.
Herb Weisbaum is The ConsumerMan. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter or visit The ConsumerMan website.
More money news:
- Bill targets 'abusive' gift card fees
- Social Security can be fixed (but it won't be pretty)
- Hey, hot stuff! You're fired
- Financial moves to make before the new year
- Sign up for our TODAY newsletter
Leave a Comment:
I don't mind if the gifts I give are regifted. It's not that I put little thought into what I buy for friends and family. I don't have the budget to give a lot of gifts. However, if they do it, they must have a good reason, and I trust that about them. There's a lot worse things to worry about!!
If your friend is giving you something that you don't want, then there are communication issues. You shouldn't be any more worried about offending your friend than they were about giving you a crap gift. If they are the sort of person that just compulsively spends money on junk, then that's their problem.
But in the end once it's yours, you don't owe anyone any explanation in regards to what you do with it afterwards.
If the gift is is new condition and something that the recipient can use and appreciate, then why not? For example, if you have a set of $60 headphones and for whatever reason cannot use them and your brother-in-law could certainly use a good set, I see nothing wrong with giving them to him as a gift. After all, it saves you a few bucks and he get a gift he can use and appreciate. Win-win!
I really can't understand the mentality that thinks there's anything wrong with regifting. If I give you a gift, it's not a loan, it's YOURS. To do with as YOU please. I do not retain any claim over it. If I have given you something that you have no use for, the shame is on me, not you. To suggest that you should be forced to keep it is just ridiculous.
Much agreed. I would rather not receive a gift than receive something I have no use for. Personally, if someone gifts me something that I have no use for then I assume they either don't know me very well or did not put much thought into it.
I would have no problem regifting if I thought the item would get some actual use by someone else.
Regifting only becomes an issue if it's done in a very inconsiderate flaunting manner with no sensitivity exercised for both the original giver and the intended receiver of the regift. But if one uses a lot of care, compassion, and consideration in how he or she presents the regift, then there will usually not be a problem because no one will likely know that you regifted, which is as it should be.
Good point, mindart77. The last thing I would ever want to do is have the person who gave me the gift find out I regifted it. The object is to get rid of the gift, not hurt someone's feelings.
Absolutely OK to regift. Here's a thought - we regift greeting cards: holiday, birthday, etc. How? When we give cards to friends and family, we always write our message on a post-it that we affix to the inside of the card, leaving the card itself blank for re-use. Family and friends have learned this trick and always send us cards in the same manner. Of course, every now and then, we receive a card from someone that was originally sent to us one or two years earlier!
Re-gifting is a fantastic practice and I've done it several times, as well as been on the other side and had my own gift re-gifted. Once I re-gifted a Starbucks card I'd been given because I didn't drink coffee at the time, and the friend I gave it to re-gifted it for the same reason (she like coffee, just not Starbucks).
The marketing industry has done a good job on creating guilt of giving, when in the past giving was based on ability and sincere wanting of personal intentions to give with your heart not your pocket book. We have become a nation of sheeple that makes the keeping up with the Jones' so deep in our psyche that it is almost a DNA level need to spend to please our friends and relations. Think about it, the term cheap comes up when ever giving doesn't involve going to some big box store and get some current pricey trinket, instead of giving something meaningful irregardless of origin. It has gotten so much of a problem that even my sons grandmother rejected the gift of her 5 year old grandson because it didn't come up to her standards. In all the mall the present given was in his eyes the best there was, it was a small pewter figurine that wasn't bad taste, just not good enough for Grandma. Yea marketing and ego centric spoiled brat expectations.
Nothing wrong with regifting. Especially items such as books. Usually you will only read it once and then it will sit on a bookshelf. Why not pass on a good book for someone else to enjoy. Of course the big taboo would be regifting it back to the person that gave it to you in the first place, oops.
I got a re-gifted gift this year which I would not have minded all that much except I was the originator of the gift. It had been re-gifted so much it made its way back to me. :-)
By the way it was a book.
The presents that I re-gift the most are work presents. You know the kind...you can only spend like $10 or less and you always wind up with some sort of Hallmark Snowman or something. I just keep those until the next year and I give them to some 10 or 11 year old girl on my list. They love that stuff (they love electronics more but that is their parent's job). It saves me money, and no one has to know about it. I could care less if someone re-gifts something I have given. If you can't use it, then give it to someone who can. Why not?
skeptic, what a fabulous idea! starting this tradition next year!
This has to be one of the dumbest articles I've ever seen. What the hell is wrong with people? The title alone made me want to puke. Stupid to the point of wanting to regift my fist thru the monitor. God, you people make me SOOOOO disappointed in humanity.
Geez overreact much!!!
Ummm, seems like it's kind of a toss up as to which is dumber here, the article, or the fact that you bothered to not only read the dumb article, but, also post about it. Sounds like dumb and dumber to me.
But, hey, I hope you feel better, now that you've told us how disappointing we all are. You must be an absolute joy to live with.
If it's something useful, like clothing that just doesn't fit or you don't like, why not give it to charity? Thrift stores and places like Good Will always need stuff, as long as it's in decent condition.
That's a great idea, Willow Sunstar! I never thought of that!
Perfect solution, Sunstar!
I'm taking a break from the closet clean-out as I write this. I give unwanted items, from clothes to whatever, to Good Will. Doesn't fit? Don't like it? Good Will can put it to good use with a positive result for those who need it more than me.
My old man regifted stocking stuffers to us that he received from his ex-girlfriend several years ago...when we were present! I agreed with my wife that it was extremely tacky, but I guess I've gotten used to it over the years. We'd have to clean that stuff out of his house anyway when something happens to him...
I had to smile at this one because it sounds EXACTLY like something my dad would do and your comment about cleaning it out of his house was EXACTLY like something I would say. Too funny.
make re-gifting day on April 1st - add a new twist to pranks/jokes by swapping un-used gifts with each other.
I have made great strides recently in not wanting and needing so much "stuff." To have to hold on to something out of obligation really does not set well with me and just weighs me down. If there is someone else who wants it or really can make good use out of something, there is no reason to not let it go. I would much rather a gift I give be put to good use instead of me having just wasted my money. If I've messed up and given someone something useless to them, I would absolutely expect them to give it to someone else or donate it. I don't want to be bogged down with useless items and certainly don't expect everyone else to either! And as for someone giving me something new that was given to them that's great. If its something I want or need and has not been used, I have no problem with that being my gift!
Can I be your friend? :)
no i don't.i think it is sooo tacky & ungrateful.the very gesture of giving is what it ALL about.,not receiving.
I usually regift a gift I receive where you know enough about the giver to know that they put very little thought into the gift and they care very little about me. They just went the cheapest route possible, just for the "show" of everyone seeing them giving the gift. Then, they give you that little "non-hug" thing, which makes me cringe. Maybe it sounds awful, but, I regift that puppy as soon as I can. Thankfully, I don't do it often. This Christmas, my regift ended up at a company white elephant gift exchange.
Oh I think it's ok. I re-gifted some hot sauce I knew I couldn't handle. The receiver loved it. And I got a break in my pocket book.
I will say, if you get a gift that you plan on regifting....look at it at least. I read a story where a newly married couple was given a crystal punch bowl set. They had no use for it at all and gave it away pretty quickly. Well the people who originally gave it to them asked them about it. Though they never even opened it they fibbed and said how much they liked it. Then the original giver asked if they like the wedding cash gift they had enclosed in the package as well? Oops!!!!!!!