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There’s a valuable lesson everyone can learn from the scandal involving CIA Director David Petraeus: Take a deep breath before you hit that “send” button.
The common link in the complex and still-unfolding scandal involving Petraeus, who resigned last Friday, and several others is email – lots of messages, some now alleged to be inappropriate.
For many workers these days, email is the primary mode of interaction with staff, bosses and clients. Experts say the constant back-and-forth means it’s all too easy to go from an informal exchange to something that could easily offend.
“That’s how we communicate, and it can get out of hand,” said Pamela Eyring, formerly the Chief of Protocol at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base and now the president of the Protocol School of Washington.
Email also has another potential flaw for people who like secrets: It’s not necessarily as private as you might think.
“It can, and will, come back to haunt you,” said Barbara Pachter, also a business etiquette expert.
It was an investigation into allegedly threatening emails that eventually led investigators to Petraeus' biographer, Paula Broadwell. Multiple government and law enforcement officials tell NBC News that the emails revealed the two had been engaged in an extramarital affair.
The person who received those emails, Jill Kelley, has now been swept up in the investigation herself.
The woman who triggered the investigation that led to the resignation of CIA chief David Petraeus threw lavish parties for top military brass – and also racked up debt. NBC's Kristen Welker reports.
Defense Department officials have said that Gen. John Allen, commander of the International Security Assistance Force in Afghanistan, is under investigation for sending potentially inappropriate emails to Kelley, a Tampa, Fla., socialite.
One reason email is so popular is because it’s so quick and simple. But Eyring, the etiquette expert, noted that can be its Achilles heel. Americans are already an informal people, and the ease of email can mean that communications get too friendly too quickly.
“We get lazy. We cut corners,” she said.
That can lead to more humdrum problems, like embarrassing typos and costly errors.
Pachter recalled a job candidate who dashed off a quick, and typo-filled, thank you note to a potential employer from her mobile phone. She didn’t get the job.
Pachter, who also has been an adjunct faculty member at Rutgers, said she’s scolded students for sending her informal emails as part of class assignments. She advises clients to use salutations, watch your choice of words and double-check your facts in all email correspondence.
Also, double check your “to” box – another big area of embarrassment involves sending an email to the wrong person.
These problems didn’t really exist two decades ago. Pachter noted that there was a time when people could send a letter and be reasonably assured that the only other person who would see it was the person it was sent to.
These days, it’s all too easy for employers to snoop through past emails for evidence of inappropriate behavior. From there, it’s often not too long before the private exchanges are being shared with the world, thanks to the Internet and social media.
“People want to keep their private life private. We all want that,” Eyring said. “But if it’s in an electronic format like an email or a text, it can be shared.”
That includes with investigators. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which investigates workplace complaints, said email in some cases makes it easier to suss out wrongdoing.
“It supplies endless evidence,” said Peggy Mastroianni, legal counsel for the EEOC.
That doesn’t mean that every friendly email to a co-worker will result in a harassment complaint. The EEOC said harassment has to be based on sex, race or religion, and it has to be unwelcome. That means that there has to be evidence that someone in the workplace was unhappy with the comments a colleague made.
Still, that kind of electronic banter can be a slippery slope.
Ray Peeler, a senior attorney in the EEOC’s office of legal counsel, said it’s almost always the case that the initial comments aren’t perceived as so bad, but the behavior becomes more unwelcome as time goes on.
Clearly, it’s important not to cross the line from friendly to inappropriate. But, experts also caution that you may never get ahead at work if your emails are too strait-laced and professional.
Laura Kray, a professor of management at the University of California, Berkeley, has done research showing that playful and platonic flirting can help in business negotiations.
Kray said that kind of flirting involves being confident, positive and full of energy. It’s different from overtly sexual behavior, which she said other researchers have found to be detrimental to women’s careers because it’s seen as compensating for a lack of ability.
Women can be effectively flirty in email if they use the occasional emoticon or exclamation point to show their enthusiasm, Kray said.
“It’s about … letting your emotional self kind of show,” Kray said. “If you’re just all stuffy (and) all business all the time then – particularly if you’re a woman – then you’re going to be labeled the cold fish.”
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" Think before hitting send:"or,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,Don't hang out with self serving sluts.
.
Or listen to Grampa's wisdom from a long life. "Don't get your meat where you get your bread and butter".
WAIT my lesson that FIRST I HAVE TO BE IN A POSITION OF SUPER HIGH POWER, and then worry?
Dear journalist, put me in a position of power like Petraeus and then I promise to learn lessons you tell me to. Promise, really, do. Let's go. Make me CEO of General Electric.
From what I understand, they DIDN'T hit send. They shared a gmail account and created the emails without addressing them or sending them, and then stored them in a folder. Then the other person would go in, access the folder, and read the message, which was never actually "sent". So the whole headline, "Think before you hit Send" is pretty meaningless. Perhaps it should have been more appropriately titled, "Email can burn you even if you DON'T hit Send."
Keep cheating on your wife. Just think before you hit send.
Petraeus needed to put thought into where he was headed long before putting anything into that gmail folder.
In terms of his qualification to head the CIA, his inability to assess character ~ that of Broadwell, pick up the cues long before dropping his pants, and foresee consequences are what make him unfit to lead anything of significance greater than a HS homecoming parade.
But Patreaus isn't at fault at all for cheating on his wife? Slut? Really? These are the terms we still use in civilized society?
I'm not condoning her actions at all. But it takes two (or three) to tango. One would think (Head of the CIA!!) he would be a better judge of character. Or she for that matter.
Actually, wouldn't you expect the head of the CIA to be able to cover his tracks better? Obviously he realized his covert, under cover operating skills were weak and needed improvement, so he got down in the trenches, so to speak.
I am amazed at this. Who the hell cares, other than the wife, what this man does when he is off duty! In Europe, they laugh at us because we pay so much attention to illicit affairs and not on the job at hand. I would put Billy back in the White House in a second and General Patreaus...I am so sad that you gave up without a fight. I know you feel strongly that you are the best at what you do and owe it to your country to continue at what you do best. I want the best man in his or her job and to hell with the damn self-rightious morons who probably do much worse but just have not been caught.
The real questions are about the surveillance state and how a woman (Kelly) was able to use her connections to divert huge national security resources when there was no probable cause.
The FBI has stated that the emails from Broadwell did not rise to the level of a crime or threat. Therefore, there was no basis for investigating any of it.
Kelly was well known for her negative views on Obama. The agent who used his influence to get an investigation opened (probably illegally) was also anti-Obama.
Another question is, what real threats have gone uninvestigated because of the manpower diverted to this garbage.
Glen Greenwald has a good editorial about this. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/13/petraeus-surveillance-state-fbi
The problem was that the email containt information about the generals schedule which made the fbi think that a terrorist threat was present or that terrorist some how hacked his email to gain access to his schedule.
This is all post 9-11 paranoia
I don't believe that story from the FBI. This was a cat-fight in email. I think the agents who got the investigation moving are covering up their real reasons and what they really knew.
I have no doubt in my mind that Kelly humped that FBI agent who sent her a photo with his shirt off. I have no doubt in my mind that Kelly humped quite a few brass in the military. Look, I know the Capitol Hill scene. I've watched the gorgeous women compete to cut notches in their purses. Military brass love it. It's one of the perks of getting to a certain level. Congressmen love it. Even high end lobbyists get some action.
These women also know each other. They know who is banging whom. I don't think Kelly had much doubt in her mind who sent those emails at all. I think she was angry that Broadwell was playing dog-in-the-manger, hogging Petraeus to herself. That Petraueus had such a stellar reputation, and only went outside his marriage with Broadwell, made him that much juicier a target for the bevy of bored housewives and bed-climbers that surrounds men of power and influence.
All the journalists have to do with Kelly is dig. Talk to the women around her, the competitor housewives and the pros. They'll deliver. Trust me. They know.
I think Kelly is going to get taken down. Broadwell is going to do ok. She had a lapse of judgment, but she didn't blow the whistle. And Broadwell has her book income. Kelly and her pet FBI guy are the ones who really screwed up here.
No doubt in your mind? You can look at someone and tell if they had sex with someone else? "They know who is banging whom"? Really? Apparently Paula was totally wrong from what we know now. You sure about that?
Emails should always be professional at work, at least. Just last week a recruiter was rude to me in email, making personal remarks, so I forwarded it to his company executives. I hope he got canned.
Randy Nobody likes a WHINING CHEESE EATER.
Good Randy. I run a Xerox machine and had to call for service. When you call one in you are informed that your call may by monitored. The woman taking the call was rude and told me after I asked for a supervisor that she would not. Calling in a machine is usually a simple thing and they send a tech to fix it. She was rude and denied my request for the supervisor. Well, that call happened to be recorded and she was sent for "retraining". Just because you are not face to face doesn't mean you shouldn't be courtious. (Much like the internet) It was her JOB to be civil. I was. Even if you have a jackass on the phone, you can't be rude to them. That's what customer service is all about.
Back when Dubya was still playing at president, I got several emails from my supervisor, using her work computer, pushing that politico-religious garbage people thought they could get away with then. I ended up having to forward them to the main office to get her to stop.
If youve ever watched the movie alien you will understand what happens to guys.....I mean all men.... theres a scene where the pod opens up.....the guy cannot resist to get a closer look......then...wait for it....IT JUMPS OUT......wraps itself around his face and rams its tail into his spinal cord, where at that point he has lost all control of his thinking.......when you guys see these good looking young women......run for you life....dont let curiosity get you to take a closer look at the pod
Why does this not bother anyone that Google and Gmail records are 100% available to our government when asked for? Our tech laws are 25 years old. Anything change in the tech world in the last 25 years? I don't like my personal info being available to my gov upon request.
She is quite a cupcake for an old dog like that. Must have been fun while it lasted. Perhaps the General is related to the horndogging Kennedys?
All men are horndogs.
Arf! Arf!! Ellen, thank you for noting one of our more consistent qualities :)
When the female wags her tail, the male follows the trail. Law of nature.
I'm the first to admit I am pretty dumb on computer technology. The only electronic devices I personally own are a cell phone and a Garmin. My home phone is hardwired and has a rotary dial. These people should know better than to send foolish e-mails thinking they are secure. Anthony Weiner ring a(telephone)bell? I'm democrat, but what these idiot politicans do on line...well, all it does is show how uneducated they truly are except how to play politics. And that's a very OLD game. It's like the old line....would you want your mom to read this? If not, don't send.
I'm glad they were foolish, that's how we caught them and I think we're all better off catching them.
This is nothing new. I've been in IT for over 15 years and I've been telling people that since the beginning. Once you hit Send, it's out there forever. Text messages, email, Internet postings, etc. You can't get it back once it's gone.
oooo. "alledged to be inappropriate" So screwed now
This article is inaccurate, because it's been widely reported that Petraeus and Broadwell did not "Hit Send". They set up a gmail account that they both had access to, and never sent emails, but instead read each other's drafts. They were hoping to avoid detection this way, but once the FBI got involved every folder was reviewed.
"Don't hit send" misses the whole point.
Don't have illicit relationships with persons who are not your spouse.
If you have to think "Is this improper?", you have already answered your own question.....Personal Responsibility, Integrity, Plain Ol' Common Sense....give 'em a try.
It seems to me that someone should be writing - - think before you cheat on your wife. If he did that, then thinking about whether to send an email would be irrelevant.
I agree that this is just smoke and mirrors for the real motive of this getting reported to the FBI.
If you don't want people know, STOP! Keep your thoughts, ideas, or communication to yourself.
So much is made public these days for instance twitter, facebook, emails and so forth. Wire tapps are illegal but reading other's email, twitters and facebook page is not.
So what are you going to do today, what are you saying, what are you thinking? None of your business, yes it is because you are on a public page and you are engaging in a public forum. Too bad you get caught.
Use text messages or preferably a phone call if you don't want a permanent record of what you said - emails live forever and even text messages can be saved or copied. Don't leave it on a voicemail or answering machine either.
Oliver North learned that the hard way and people keep figuring that out over and over again. I suppose half the people here are too young to remember that, and that was PROFS, an ancient IBM mail system.
We need some more “signatures” on the White House web site. Almost there.
“Keep the United States United”
petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/keep-united-states-united/ZfpkwtSZ
“Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them”
petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/strip-citizenship-everyone-who-signed-petition-secede-and-exile-them/ZbMjcwPf
“Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.”
petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/deport-everyone-signed-petition-withdraw-their-state-united-states-america/dmQl1bXL
Just incase you wanted to sign.
“Federally Legalize Marijuana”
petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/federally-legalize-marijuana/Y3KVHZhl
Kim, you sound just as foolish as those that say they want to secede. You just have your tin foil hat tuned to a different channel.
why and how would you deport Americans? talk about divisive hate.
ohbummer, what a hypocrite - you talk about divisive hate and your name calls the president a nazi.
The problem wasn't emails.
It was putting an army boy in charge of CIA.
Code word for General's caught with extra-marital affairs: (Technology Sucks)
better yet, don't commit adultery.
During these times when myself and a lot of others in this country are struggling to make ends meet I am LMFAO that the powerful have fallen. I have no sympathy for Petraeus, his wife, their family, or any of the other players that have been dragged into and embarrassed by this soap opera. The whole thing humors me it really does.
say it, forget it. write it, regret it.
let's face it... bimbos, emails, and being CIA director do not mix well... but how was he to know?
It is too easy to misread the tone of a text or email, and believe that things are meant in a way that the sender didn't intend.
It's very tought to not get caught up in the flirting (real or imagined) once it starts.
And you will get hurt, once she decides she doesn't want to continue it.
Don't cheat on your spouse would be the other lesson.
I was going to say this is why you should just pay for sex and keep it a business transaction, but then I remember Heidi Fleiss and even the ones that get paid can't keep their yaps shut.
Better to just avoid it altogether and reserve yourself to the fact that if you get married and you're a guy, you're stuck.