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Throughout the summer, LearnVest has asked five amazingly accomplished moms to chime in on the topics that are near and dear to all moms' hearts. So far, they've chimed in on bullying, the ways we could be holding girls back from reaching their full potential and the old-school habits we should be teaching our kids to ensure their success. Today, they'll be discussing the things they wish they knew about parenting before they became moms.
Read what they have to say about their own take on the topic, then get to know them better by joining the discussion here!
With pregnancy comes an avalanche of unsolicited parenting advice.
Some people — your family, coworkers, the passenger next to you on the bus — just can’t help themselves. For example, a woman at my old job stopped by my desk every day to say things like, "You’ll never sleep again!” (actually that’s true) and, "Never leave your baby alone!" on the bed, changing table, fill in the blank.
After a while, you start to wish your belly wasn’t such a beacon for well-meaning big mouths. The thing about raising a kid is that women can't truly understand what it's like until they actually have one.
That said, here are a few things I wish I actually had known before I had my baby:
1. Cozy is convenient
Babies come with a lot of gear: Strollers, swings, bouncers, activity gyms, bottles, Boppys, car seats and high chairs. As gifts arrived and baby’s new furniture got assembled in our small one-bedroom apartment, I could feel the walls closing in on me.
Where would I practice yoga? How could we puzzle my husband’s golf clubs into the corner where we kept the boxes of wipes and diapers? Would we survive our cramped quarters until we traded in the apartment for a house in the 'burbs?
Like most families living in Manhattan, we made it work — while dreaming about our future digs and watching a lot of "House Hunters." I coped by taking frequent walks to the park, putting some belongings in storage (aka my parents’ basement) and buying toys that I could fold up and tuck away. But now that we’ve moved into a two-story colonial, I realize that apartment living was actually the ideal way to cohabitate during my son’s first five months — no racing up and down the steps to retrieve a rogue pacifier or make a midnight bottle. When your changing table, dishwasher and couch are all within 600 square feet, baby chores are a breeze.
2. Organic overload
While I was pregnant, I fantasized about giving my son an au natural childhood. An idyllic youth untainted by chemicals, pesticides, synthetic fabrics or off-gassing.
Then I went shopping.
Organic is everywhere — bibs, bottles, baby carriers; even spoons made out of corn — and it’s almost always more expensive, especially when it comes to clothing. And unlike food products, the fabric industry isn’t regulated. Manufacturers might label a onesie with just one stitch of untreated fabric as organic. I splurged on a (mostly) organic mattress, which I like more for its firmness than its materials. If buying organic is important to you, then buy organic baby food. Because once baby starts rolling and crawling and socializing, it’s harder and harder to control what he comes in contact with.
(We've covered organic stuff for baby before: Check out this piece about how to buy guilt-free, affordable organic clothing for your kids, see how Jessica Alba is shaking up the eco-baby industry here and read this for the easy way to keep your baby toxin free.)
3. Mommy and me for free
Soon after my son was born, my husband began to freak out about college tuition. I, on the other hand, fretted about the crazy cost of baby music classes, many of which required us to pay tuition for a semester-long block of classes. My singing voice would have to do, I thought.
Then, when my son was around four months, I discovered that many mommy and baby organizations, like Gymboree, offer free trial classes. A friend even found a gratis infant gymnastics class for babies up to 6 months. If you’re still wary of paying for playtime, try free story hour at your local library or start your own playgroup.
4. Step away from that cute romper
When you’re nesting, it’s hard to resist buying for baby. Every teeny tiny piece of apparel had me sighing and saying, "Awwwww." But before you snap up that pint-sized designer fedora, remember that baby will probably outgrow it before you remember to snap a picture. And aside from basics like onesies and pajamas, your little one’s wardrobe will likely be furnished entirely by friends and relatives for at least the first six months. I made the mistake of stocking up on cute little towels with animal hoods. My son will need to bathe right away, I thought (of course, I only gave him a sponge bath a few times a week in the beginning). Then I promptly received 10 adorable hooded towels as gifts, most of which I’ve never used thanks to my trusty washing machine.
(Check out the other money mistakes a first-time mom made here.)
5. Work-from-home woes
When I quit my job at a magazine to stay at home with my son, I promised myself I’d bolster the family income with freelance gigs. My husband naively imagined I’d be churning out stories during my maternity leave. While I knew that was never going to happen, I assumed I’d be tapping away at my computer soon after. I’ve written a few articles here and there, but trying to craft publishable sentences while baby is fussing on his floor mat is no easy feat. Doing real work, for me anyway, means hiring a babysitter (which isn’t always cost effective), writing late at night (and trying not to zone out in front of the monitor) or putting my son down for an extra-long nap. I’ve learned to pace myself and say no to some assignments, even when my ambition is screaming at me to say yes. (If you're thinking of quitting your own job, check out these seven things every mom should know before she does so.)
More from LearnVest.com
- Two kids, no incomes: Am I the only one who's broke?
- Are credit card companies exploiting college students?
- The power of pessimism: How negative thinking can improve your finances
- 9 creative tricks to refresh your child’s space for cheap
- Do majors matter? 5 times they do — and don't
Leave a Comment:
Your bladder will go back to normal.
Breastfeeding REALLY helps to lose the baby weight.
Pull ups are the biggest scam ever pulled on parents-use diapers or cloth training pants. Pull ups make it harder than it has to be.
Pull ups are for potty training purposes. If your kid is not being trained and is using them as a diaper, then no it is not going to work!!
After a few weeks of breastfeeding exclusively, your nipples will burst into an excruciating array blisters that you need ointment for... And then baby makes you cry because he enjoys mommy's boobies so much that he'll suck all the ointment off along with the skin....
Not many moms breastfeed exclusively for more than a month. This is why.
Holy cow. What happened to you thankfully does not happen to every mother. Yes, It is a bit irritating for the first few weeks but I never experienced blisters and skin loss. Lets not scare people away from trying their best and figuring out what works for them.
I didn't breast feed and I was back to my pre baby weight before I left the hospital. Excercise and eat healthy during your pregnancy. And if you don't want to breastfead, don't let the crazy militants guilt you in to it. My daughter grew up healthy without breast feeding, and we bonded just fine.
Seriously, I may have bought one pack of pull ups when my kids were little, I couldn't afford them so we had options. Diapers or hitting those cheerios in the toilet (target practice). My kids loved that so much I almost created a monster but I am here to tell you it worked. The difficulty was in trying to explain why once they were in the potty we didn't fish them out. ha ha. The joy and laughs my kids have given me are endless.
First of all, JournalJournal.. I exclusively breastfed both of my kids until they were 1 and I didn't have any "blisters" or problems.. its not a problem if you are doing it correctly. Also, most of my friends have also breastfed their babies exclusively and didn't have issues either! Usually those who have "complain" about the "Joys" of being a parent probably shouldn't have been parents in the first place. The sleepness nights and everything else that goes with being a parent is the price we all should be willing to pay to be BLESSED with a child or children in our lives. I am a full time working mom and I wish I had more time with my kids, but I feel blessed for every moment I have with them.. whether they are laughing, throwing a fit or throwing up! It's called being a parent, and it's a blessing!
I'll bet there's one thing your husband knew before you had a baby!
Well, really a lot more than the one thing.
stop breeding so much you selfish breeders!!
You will never sleep as deeply as you did before you had children. Never.
Kids put a strain on your marriage. It's really easy to put your husband on the back burner. If left there long enough husbands will find other things to do. Don't let that happen.
Kids cost a lot of money, way more than you think they do. I've been carrying the same purse for the last 19 years. Thankfully it's a Coach and can stand up to time but prior to my kids I bought a new one every couple of years, if I wanted. Not anymore. Can't remember the last time I bought myself something nice.
There is no way to explain to someone who doesn't have kids yet what it is like to fall in love so hard and so deep.
well said!
The poet Kahil Gabran put is so succinctly when he wrote "Your children are not your children. There are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may given them your love but not your thoughts, Fopr they have their own thoughts." And so, my soon to be 20 yr. old daughter, the love of my life, has spread her wings and moved across the country. This is not how it was supposed to be. In my own mind of course. But, it is as it should be. So, to all new mothers and fathers and parents yet to be, if I may be so bold as to offer a bit of advice. While it may often feel as if you have many years before your children will leave you, that time will go by so much faster than you can appreciate. The most precious gift you can give them is the gift of yourself; your time, your love, your laughter and your permission to be who they are, just as they are. So, please, I beg you, put away that cell phone while you have them out in the stroller or while they are playing in the playground with their friends or just around the house. Use that time to talk with them; to teach them; to see the wonder in their eyes as they explore the world unfolding before them. You will never get those moments back; moments that slip through your fingers like sand. Be present for your children and teach them the gift of being present to themselves and the world they greet everyday.
I am the mother of two adult children (both in their early twenties, single, no children) that said.....I respected what you had to say and must say I 200% agree with your philosophy. I tried to be superwoman and have the career, children, home, family and guess what, at the end of the day all that mattered were my children. My kids and I did everything together, my now ex husband just didn't do things with us and I really feel sorry for all the wonderful times he missed out on. For every woman with a child there is a woman with advice that is hopefully well intentioned. The best piece of advice I ever got when I was a young Mom was this, if everything you do, you do with love - it can't be wrong. I mention the superwoman part because eventually when my kids were older teens I lost my Dad who was my life besides my kids, other things spiraled and I had me a good old fashioned melt down. And a subsequent divorce after 25 years. My kids are my joy, my everything and always have been before work or anything else, I would just say always put them first. And don't think you have to be a superwoman. Cheers again on your comment.
I love your post, MB. Love Gibran also. It is said, "The days are long, but the years are short." Now that my children are married and grown and now that I am a grandmother, it has never rung truer for me. Your advice about putting away the cell phone is truly so right! Pay attention to your children, moms. You will never regret it!
THat your baby is just as important as all other babies. We are all in this world together. THey aren't the special entitled baby above others!
Huh? what is this even supposed to mean? Of course your own child is the most important child in the world. I think we as fellow moms understand that. It is natural instinct. What a weird thought to think of a baby as "entitled".
What people need to know before having a baby is how much the freaking thing will cost over the next 20 years!
The population has exploded in direct proportion with the MASSIVE growth in personal debt. People are raising families on "credit" and debt creation.
The problem is the credit is being cut off at this point and many people are stuck with children they cannot afford on their working wages alone. This is why we currently have over 50 MILLION on food stamps.
Once the government credit gets slashed very soon that giant "comfortable rut" will be removed. Much like the personal credit is not affordable.... neither is the government credit.
actually, people are having far fewer children in Western society than ever. Maybe you need to do a little research. Perhaps it is actually the exact opposite. People are in debt over all their own selfishness. If they had 5 mouths to feed, they wouldn't be traveling and buying iPhones etc... Not that I am advocating this type of behavior by any means, but there's some major flaws in your analysis. The countries that have explosive growth do not have personal debt - think India, Africa etc...
That little bundle of joy represents at most 18 years of child support payments, depending on the state you live in. Given that marriages have slightly less than 50% chance of survival, it's highly likely that at some point one of you will end up making child support payments.
Actually I the amount of "children" being raised on "credit" has dramatically increased probably to 100 times what it was in the 50's or the last "baby boom".
The boomers were NOT raised on any debts. Credit cards did not even exist, the currency was still backed with gold and their were very few social programs to support all the people to have more children than they can afford.
The point is that people are having tens millions of children in this country they cannot support. To make matters worse we are not coming to a horrible sobering that NOBODY can afford their tens of millions of unaffordable children being raised on debt.
My husband and I have no debt. Our car is paid for and so is our house. We are expecting our first child. We can afford to have kids and we are so excited for our baby. I don't agree that NOBODY can afford their kids.
Another thing, is please get your priorities together. A coach purse or any other material "thing" isn't as important as your childs time and love.. MB-744570 couldn't put it any better.
True.. Just think of how we've all costed our parents and everything they sacrificed. Raising a child isn't for the faint of heart. One thing a lot of people dont really think about early on is that when they have a baby that baby will soon grow up to be a person with their own beliefs, morals, and views on life. so time and love are very important.
A rocker glider combo is a waste of money and space. I could have had way fewer baby clothes and items. Buying the extra blankets, cloth diapers (not meant for pottying), and other asstd layette "must haves" is a waste.
Our wipes warmer helped our sons not wake up so much in the middle of the night when their diapers were being changed = priceless!
I loved our sling for carrying and breastfeeding. The Snugli was much less comfortable.
Sleep positioners allow the baby to nap almost anywhere. It also made it possible and safe to co-sleep with them. No need or want for a bassinet.
Strollers with big wheels are awesome!
Bf-ing really helps drop the weight and walking with the stroller helped for baby #2 because it corralled my toddler and gave him visual and verbal stimulation from me while the baby slept. The weight does not drop as fast for #2.
Hand me downs are fantastic and so much new equipment is not needed.
You will crave sleep like never before, so ask for help in order to get rest. A sound machine and eye shades will help you rest when you are over tired and have kids in the house. I'd rather my hubby kept them busy so I could sleep than almost anything else at times...
Keep it simple.
I always felt like the moms around me were so into buying this or that to occupy their kid, and then it is putting them in this activity or that activity. Or that they would pass judgement on other moms for not breast feeding or using organic.
One thing I learned--do what is right for YOU and your kid. The more comfortable YOU are the happier your kids will be. You do your best YOUR way and don't worry about the others and what they are doing and you will automatically be the best mom you can be.
""infant gymnastics class for babies up to 6 months.""
JFC Lady. Let your kid be a freaking kid will you. Structure at the age of just a few months is beyond ridiculous. Go see other mommies with kids and have some playtime. At less that 6 months your kid is more interested in farting and eating.
Play, is the business of children.
That a dog is cheaper and cats are independent.
As much as people say havent children is the most rewarding experience, remember in reality it also requires very big sacrifices. YOur life is not your own for MANY years. You cant just do whatever you want, whenever you want. Studies show you will be the most unhappy in your life during this period, your marriage will be strained, finances stretched, and you most def will have guilt. YOu mostly likely wont have time or energy to concentrate on your looks until its too late and youre old, anyway. I dont think most people consider these points before they have children...cause if people did, no one would ever have children! lol
I agree with you. Though I've known some people that seem to have enjoyed having kids (many in fact), despite all of those issues you listed. Perhaps I just wasn't around them to observe the stress.
All I know is that my life has been so much happier without my kids being around!
I'm the only woman I know whose marriage survived raising children. Sad but true. And the only reason mine survived is that I am a very forgiving person.
1 .enjoy every moment, they grow entirely too fast!!
2. That dad is just as important as mom.
3. let them be little, make messes, cry, laugh, and be moody
4. dont worry about what others think of how your raising your child; if its right for you and its working then go with it. Homemade is always better than new high priced store bought.
5. naps are awesome!!! daycare is over rated
6. being a parent is a choice not a burden!
and last but not least Grandma and Grandpa will always hold a special spot.
Excellent list.
At 66, my son is now a college freshman living in the dorm, my daughter is a high school senior looking forward to leaving town for college next year. The years flew by. We're so glad we had them and already miss those wonderful years. I married a terrific woman who has been a terrific mom. Our children gave us a wonderful life.
its ok to take time for mom! its also important to if you are married or have a significant other; to plan things for just the two of you. If you lack the funds find simple things that dont cost money.
This is what I wish I'd known:
My daughter is now 36. I have not seen her since she was 34. Since she moved in with with the man whom she later married, it became more and more difficult to see her. She always sought his approval and permission before committing to a visit, whether we would travel the 450 miles to her house, or she would travel to ours. Her mother-in-law is renowned for her pretentiousness, and my daughter witnessed her treating me very rudely many times. I remained polite, but after several years, I told my daughter that I saw no possibility of a really warm relationship.
Both my husband and I never felt welcome in the house after daughter and husband-to-be moved in together. She asked my opinion on many matters, including whether to insist on postponing the wedding when she had doubts; I always replied only that I would support whatever decision she made. [He told her that if she postponed, he would break off the engagement. He also wanted a prenuptial agreement. I did not judge the relationship at any time.] When she asked me which wedding dress to choose, I told her to choose the one she really wanted. Instead, she choose the one her mother-in-law insisted on, and several years later burst into tears and said, "I picked the wrong dress."
When my daughter had her first child, she and her husband asked us to leave the house and stay in a motel when she came home from the hospital. We did, but we left town two days later. The day after she came home from the hospital with our second granddaughter, she said her husband wanted to "clear the air." He had been extremely hostile, as had his mother, when present, during the week in which we stayed in the house to babysit the "big" 19-month-old sister. Her husband proceeded to heap a pile of baseless criticisms on me ["When you enter a room, you don't greet everyone properly" and "You didn't greet my mother very warmly when you got to the hospital after the baby was born."] I had just driven over 30 miles on completely unfamiliar roads at 1:30 a.m. and had to wander around the mostly empty halls of a huge medical complex trying to find the birthing room until I saw them standing in a hallway.
Son-in-law also announced that he was the "ideal son-in-law." During this, my daughter became upset and finally yelled at him that he was not talking about what he had told her he would talk about. I finally ended the conversation without criticizing him and went upstairs to pack. She followed me, crying, and said we would get counseling and "make things alright." She even brought the baby down for a day three weeks later and she and I had one counseling session, after which she sat in the car and bawled "I love you, Mom! We'll do phone counseling and get this right!"
I never saw her or my grandchildren again. She will not tell me what the problem is. I never criticized her husband and was invariably polite to her mother-in-law, who was rude and would even yell at me and my husband from time to time. I believe her husband/mother-in-law have some degree of personality disorder; in the case of my son-in-law, I would guess he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
For a while, my daughter would make a phone call or send flowers on a holiday, but this year, there was no acknowledgement of Mother's Day. The last time I heard from her was an email in March, telling me she loved me, and she would see how things were when she returned from a one-month vacation with her husband and his mother, grandmother, and sisters. I never heard from her again.
Last week was her birthday. I sent a package with dolls for the girls and a jewelry organizer with some very small gifts and a silver flower ring for my daughter. The card said "If daughters were flowers, I would still pick you." It was very difficult for me to do that, because she has hurt me so deeply it has affected my health and state of mind. I love the person she used to be, but I can't understand why she is shunning me. She said at one point that she is a different, new person. I don't like, trust, or respect this person. My daughter was a thoughtful, generous, sucessful, highly social person. She has now cut off one of her best friends because her husband said she had to choose between her friend and him. She has cut me off; her husband has cut off his father. This does not seem healthy to me. She will absolutely not let me or my husband see our granddaughters. We are missing precious time with them that cannot be recaptured, and we are not young. In our state, grandparents have no visitation rights.
Friends have mostly said I should be MORE aggressive in forcing the relationship, but there is no reasonable way for me to do this. I am so hurt now that I did not hear from her after she received the package that I have decided I can no longer reach out to her again.
Saddest of all, I understand that my experience is common, not at all unusual. You might think that you will surely avoid this fate, but for years my daughter repeatedly told me that I was the greatest mother in the world and a shining example for her. In fact, a handwritten note on my last Mother's Day Card, only a few days before I had to leave her house for the last time, says that. I guess even a good mom can end up like this.
Your daughter is in an (emotionally) abusive relationship. All you can do is continue to be there when she needs you and catch her when she falls. No one will convince her to leave him, she has to find the will on her own. Hopefully she will find her way back to the people who really love her.
My sister is in a relationship similar to this, though it is in its infancy. She always has to have his "permission" to do things, and he has convinced her that as a "good Christian woman", she must learn to cook, clean, and prepare to take care of children. He is also against her having a career. But still she listens to him above anyone, including myself and our parents. It's sad, but I don't know how to prevent it :( She has claimed that I live a morally unclean life (which I don't know how that is since I don't drink, have sex, or do anything but go to college, work, and play some video games when I get time off) and I doubt I will ever get to know her kids when she has them.
As a dad, this is what I wish I had known:
That the mother of my children would, before our two children graduated from jr. high and hi school, would decide that she no longer wanted to be a mother and wanted to pursue "fulfillment" by advancing her career without kids.
I wish I knew that my kids would chose to place their allegiance to the parent who promised the most things.
I wish that I knew that eventually my daughter would refuse my offer of help with her higher education expenses - claiming that her mother and step dad would subsidize her. But years later would accuse me of not "supporting" her because I didn't offer any money for grad school.
Yes, I wish I knew what kind of children I was going to produce - if I had any inkling, I would have gotten neutered much sooner.
Well that's harsh of her, have you communicated that? That can be stress causing can't it. Then again I can't be of much wisdom, I'm only 18. Still communication is key, it's what my dad has told me millions of times in my life. ^_^
Everyone has a tendency to focus on the upside of pregnancy and children. They all want to paint this glowing wonderful picture that life is nothing but rainbows and rosebuds once your pregnant or have children. And when you start experiencing the down side of it, you don't feel like you can tell anyone because you should be deliriously happy all the time--but you're not. You feel like a failure and a looser because you:
resent the swollen feet, breasts and expanding waistline
the hemorrhoids, constant gas and indigestion
the stretch marks and the blotchy complexion (glow my ass!)
And once the baby arrives....
You never get a moment to your self
You're so sleep deprived you can't think straight
And you're tired of smelling like a combination of baby powder, spit up and dirty diapers.
And no one tells you how unsexy you feel for months after giving birth.
No--everyone is caught up in the baby shower and decorating the nursery blah, blah, blah.
I raised four children, sent hubby to college and lived on less than a shoestring budget. Ya all don't get it. Disposable diapers are expensive and if you are using them you are not hurting for money. No you will never sleep soundly again. Train the one year old how and when to use the potty. No child over one year should be in pull ups that is plain gross. Take the "binky" away early..no need to keep buying them. Don't invest in a "sippy" cup, be an adult and teach the toddler to drink from a regular cup. Use vinegar to rinse the babies clothes in. I takes out the soap residue that causes a rash. Use cloth diapers. Only feed the toddler three times a day and use fresh produce and mash up well. Teach table manners immediately as soon as they can sit up in the highchair. By two the child should be eating alone, potty broke and sleep alone. Fits should not be allowed. Start early. Young mothers of today are lazy. It is a minute by minute job. No slack time. No is the favorite word, yes is a reward and maybe is rarely used. You, as the mother are their first teacher. Takes lots of hard work to keep the children clean, educated in things like manners, kindness and respect. Have to be consistant and in control. YOU know better than they do. I cringe when I see a young mother ask a toddler "what do you want? How would they know what they want they have no experience...in anything. They learn from you. I raised four children who had manners as toddlers, were potty broke by age one and a half, were respectful and fed themselves early on. I took a lot of work. Never had a diaper rash and washed over 100 cloth diapers by hand. So if you think raising a kid now days is hard you are delusional. Ya got it easy. From a mom who raised four in the late 50's and early 60's.
E...I like your style. That is pretty much the way my mom raised us kids, and the way I raised mine also. They knew without a doubt, that I loved them more than anything, but they also realized that the sun didn't rise and set on their little patoots. I used cloth diapers, they wore hand me downs often, they made music with pots and pans, did gymnastics out on the lawn, went to "camp" under chairs turned into tents with a blanket or sheet. I became a single mom when they were still pre-school, had to go to work to support us, and we made the weekends fun by wrapping our fried chicken up, taking a blanket and sitting in the park or in the yard and having dinner together. Putting on their p.j's and going to the drive in movies. They had a bunch of little friends who were always welcome in to play. There was NO tolerance for any kind of lip or disrespect from them. They learned that if you give respect,you will usually get respect. As well as learning to respect themselves. We went to church regularly. They all participated in sports and other activities in school. They went to college and paid for most of it on their own through part time jobs, loans, and they've paid all of their students loans back. They all graduated with honors. One even has gone on to earn a Masters Degree. They're grown, married and each one is responsible, successful, respectable, crazy fun and funny, loving and caring. Who says kids need to be entertained by someone other than their friends and family. Expensive camp, gynmastics, lessons in half a dozen things at the most prestigeous places. Art, music, drama in high school or middle school gives them a well rounded education. Give them the room and opportunity to learn to think for themselves, set goals for themselves, decide what THEY want to do or learn outside of school. Don't be stepping in for every little spat they may encounter, let them learn to resolve things fairly. #1 job as a parent is to prepare them to go out fully equipped to live their lives, but know that you will always be there for them and love and support them 100%.
P.S. Don't get the impression that I had NO social life or a life of my own. I most certainly did. I had a good job that I enjoyed. I had friends, dates, took classes at night in different things that I enjoyed doing. I travelled occassionally....because I too had a mom who had my back when I needed it.
Well put Rosie. You have described motherhood. No one cares if you have puke on your shirt, too busy for makeup, worn out, smell like baby crap, too tired to carry on a conversation. When that kid enters the world it is yours ALL yours. Then w hen they start to grow up they think you are the dumbest person on the face of the earth. You hear from them when they want something and wonder if they are still alive when they done. Motherhood. Eventually they come back to the fold but by then you don't want them too..lol
Forgetting the basics of being properly prepared parent. Complete your education, get a job and become self sufficient, marry someone who is already self sufficient themselves, save money for all the unexpected expenses, then and only then, consider bringing a child into this world.
Easier said than done
I think children are adorable, fun, inspiring and cute, however I think having them is highly over rated and certainly not everyone who has them should. I also don't think that *all* kids are cute, ...I think some are extremely irritating, spoiled, bratty, loud and obnoxious. I've also never understood when parents complain about how *lucky* non-parents are and how free our life is,...when they've clearly made their own choice to have children, especially those who decide to have several. I've made the decision to not have children for several reasons and am extremely happy with that choice. We seem to mostly be under the misconception that having a family is the only way to live the "American Dream", however there are many roads that lead to happiness in life, and having children is only one of those options.
One very important thing to know before you drop a kid in a society that already has to many kids is to kept people like obama in office so that if all fails and you get divorced you can live off the taxpayer the rest of your life. But if you are indeed black you already know this because most blacks have been living off the taxpayer for the last hundred years, and also you don't have to worry about a divorce because I am told that ninty precent of black women are not married anyway and half of them don't even know who the father is, could be their own I'm told. Now to say something about white woman I know a couple who in recent years spent fifty thousand on their daughters wedding and now the kid is on welfare with two half black kids and the black she married is in jail for ripping off her parents. Go figure!
That is wrong, you are wrong. People like you make everyone else in the United States look so bad. You are an ass.
BTW, what is a half black kid? He or she is an American with a world of opportunities. They will have to overcome, adapt but if they have the guts to stick it out, they will succeed dispight @!$%#s like you.
billc, ignorance such as yours must have come from someplace like Alabama, am I correct? Gee, where do I begin? You have a very basic command of English grammar, but what really sticks out is your total ignorance, as demonstrated by:
Really?Most blacks have been living on public assistance for the last 100 years?
Why don't you try doing a little research as opposed to listening to your similarly bigoted friends? For example:
http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2006/03/i-wouldnt-want-to-be-you-on-monday.html
Oh, and how about our clam that 90% of black mothers are single - again, you are wrong. Look at:
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2010/10/03/births-for-unmarried-black-women-have-been-dropping-for-decades/
Why don't you try doing some research first before posting your ignorance for all to see?
Aggie and E are right. I could not imagine my life without my kids (4) but they all went to college, have jobs, are repectful to adults and are somewhat spoiled. Why? They were not little snowflakes. Spoiled because they put in the time and hours to earn respect and grow up in the real world. They worked during college to pay tuition, worked summers for spending money. They look at their cousins and just shake their heads.
So sad we are raising a whiney, entitled new generation who believes life is fair. Never has been, never will be.
Huh???
Sent from your IPhone 5, Huh? Suri, talk to me. Grow up, get a real job and stop living off your parents hard work, Suri, can you answer me? help, Suri, ????? Where am I ? Oh Suri, thank you, I made it home. My parents covered all my bills so I am good to go for another month. Maybe I will get a job but mom & dad will cover it. You know, the losers who actually work to put your ass in in college and paid for it too.
hope Suri pays for your school loans ( or dear old mom & dad). And you are the best of our country, our brightest, our future???
Here is something I wish someone had told me before I had a baby. Babies don't always live. Sometimes they die from undetected birth defects, four days after you gave birth to them. Even when you had a dream pregnancy and did everything right and wanted this baby more than anything in the universe. So screw you, new moms out there whose nipples hurt and could use a little more sleep, who feel "unsexy" for whole months post partum or who worry about the cost of higher education or what kind of $900 stroller to buy; screw you. You have a baby. A living, breathing, beautiful baby. Now go love it, raise it and stop posting stupid @!$%# on line that bereaved mothers like myself have to read.