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Subscribe to RSSIn most families, any discussion about money and inheritances is going to be awkward at best and emotionally fraught at worst.
But these days, financial planners say, the already uncomfortable topic has become even more tense because the weak economy has prompted more families to give their adult children a financial hand. That’s causing tempers to flare among the other siblings, who may feel like they are being treated unfairly, or getting less of an inheritance, because they did everything right.
“The parental guilt, combined with the perception that it’s a difficult time in our society to find a job – for almost anybody – has produced a kind of a new (economic psychology) in families,” said Stephen Goldbart, co-founder of the Money, Meaning and Choices Institute, which advises very wealthy clients on family financial issues.
Of course, the perception of favoritism among siblings is nothing new, and money issues tend to amplify any sibling rivalry that already existed. But Goldbart, also the co-author of the book “Affluence Intelligence,” said the current economy has made people more anxious about finances.
Goldbart doesn’t necessarily have to look to his client base to see these issues. They’re also playing out among his friends of more average wealth, who are watching their adult kids struggle to find a job and get a good start in life. The unemployment rate for 20- to 24-year-olds was 13.5 percent in July, far above the overall jobless rate of 8.3 percent.
“We grew up with a certain American dream in mind and it kind of worked for us,” he said. “Clearly, that’s all shifted in the current generation.”
That explains the impulse to help your kids financially. And, Goldbart noted, there are times when it’s completely appropriate to help out adult children, such as a medical emergency or to pay for a child or grandchild’s tuition.
But in many cases, he thinks, it’s better for the family, and the child, to let them tough it out on their own.
“Most of the bailouts I have seen have failed,” he said.
For example, he recently dealt with a young couple who bought a house based on their dual incomes, but started struggling after one of the two lost a job.
After several months of trying to find work, the couple turned to one of their sets of parents for what was supposed to be a temporary help with the mortgage. But a month or two stretched into a year, and pretty soon the other sibling found out, and got angry.
“It splintered the family,” he said.
What’s more, he said, the financial aid didn’t end up helping. The couple still ended up having to sell the house at a loss.
“The art of parenting is the art of saying no. Saying yes is easy,” Goldbart said. “When it comes to money, that’s really true.”
Of course, most parents are hard-pressed to say no if their kids need help, financially or otherwise. And with economic conditions the way they are, many parents have come to expect that they will have to help their kids out.
A TD Ameritrade survey conducted last year found that more than four in 10 boomer parents expected that they would have to provide some financial support for their kids. Most said they would feel obligated to do so if they were asked.
Other financial advisers say they also are dealing with more frequent adult sibling rivalry.
“It’s coming up more and more,” said Sean Dowling, president of the Dowling Group, a wealth management firm in Stamford, Conn.
For Dowling, a typical scenario goes like this: The client comes in and says they are trying to help out one kid who has lost a job, is going through a divorce or has other money problems. But, they say, the effort to help out one kid is making the other siblings feel slighted and jealous.
Dowling’s first question is usually whether the parents can actually afford to help the kid out. His concern: That Mom and Dad will sacrifice their own financial future to help their children.
CNBC personal finance expert Sharon Epperson offers tips on paying down student loan debt.
If a family decides they can and should help out one sibling, Dowling said they will often adjust their inheritance plans so that the other child is equally compensated later on. But he conceded that even those measures can sometimes fail, because money issues tend to be more emotional than practical.
In fact, it’s often not even about the money but about the feeling of being slighted by Mom and Dad. Dowling said he often finds himself acting as more of an emotional counselor than a numbers guy as he tries to work out an inheritance plan that will seem fair.
“You’ve worked so hard for whatever nominal amount that is, whether that’s a $100,000 estate or a $100 million estate,” Dowling said. “You don’t want your legacy to be that you were unfair or unjust.”
Although many parents are helping out their kids, they aren’t necessarily doing so happily. Fred Taylor, president and co-founder of Northstar Investor Advisors, said the frustration he hears is often coming not from siblings but from parents. They complain that they sent their kids to expensive colleges in order to get a good start in life and now instead find junior back at home, on the couch, unable to land a job.
“I think where the resentment’s probably going to be is in the parents,” said Taylor, whose Denver-based firm advises clients with at least $750,000 in assets. “They don’t want to take care of their kids anymore. They’re done.”
In fact, he said, some siblings may feel more pity than resentment toward the brother or sister who is still relying on Mom and Dad.
“The Americans dream is not to go after college (to) live with your parents,” he noted.
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I haven't received financial support from my parents since I graduated from HS - Class of 89. If I needed help, my parents would be there, but I would work 3-4 jobs if that's what it takes to pay the bills I made. Even jobs where my hands would get dirty.
My main job involves getting dirty (industry/mills)...nothing different between an office job and a "dirty" job. It's the same money.
The difference is you get dirty and have to take a shower when you get home.
And, you will be more likely to be injured/disabled earlier in a factory job, than in a office job.
I agree Monkeynucleosis, I work as an RN and as an airframe and powerplant mechanic on planes and I get paid the same currency for both! I am just as dirty after either job, and just as likely to get injured in both jobs. And I'm a lot less likely to contribute to this country's obesity problem in this country!
Three or four jobs with dirty hands. How completely outrageous. There are 168 hours in seven days. Three jobs is 120 working hours leaving only 48 hours for seven days of eating, sleeping, bathing and everything else it takes to live life. That's about six hours a day. You'd be getting less than four hours of sleep a day, probably closer to three or two hours, if you could arrange for all three jobs to evenly spread out over seven days which you would never be able to do. You would get fired from them all for failing to perform at any one of them to any reasonable standard.
Four jobs is 160 hours a week and that leaves just a little over one hour a day not spent at work. You would be dead in a month.
What moronic trash talk. You're as outrageous as your blatent lie. You can't possibly have ever had more than one job, if you've ever had one at all. If you had ever worked in your life, you would have some understanding of the extreme difficulty and near impossibility of working two jobs, let alone three or four jobs.
This is the kind of outrageous nonsense that you fat-cat economic vampires who run things spew out to make like the rest of us are lazy trash for not working three or four jobs just to survive. It's obvious you've spent most of your life on a golf course or tennis court shmoozing with your other fat-cat country-club good-ole-boys and the rest of your time at some time-share resort.
Jim, you may want to actually read somebody's post before attacking somebody's post like you did. He/she didn't say that they were 3-4 FULL-TIME jobs. Many (probably most) people with multiple jobs have 1 full time job and 1 or more part-time jobs for evenings and weekends. If I got into trouble financially, that's certainly what I would be doing.
bg-399650:
I would hope you'd shower daily regardless of if your job makes you dirty or if you were stuck in a cubicle all day possibly sweating
MrLightRail:
You're just as likely to be hurt anywhere if you aren't acting safe and alert on the job. A trip, slip, or fall can happen anywhere.
Me neither - class of '88. I did ask my mom to co-sign a car loan once, but I made every payment on time.
Best and most fair advice: Die Broke! Retain just enough to pay for cremation and burial. And that sum can come from progeny as repayment for any loans.... LOANS... a parent may have provided as assistance in a time of need.
I remember an old college roommate who told me what their parents did with their will with the rivalry in families the parents had seen leading churches. There was a stipulation in the will that no one who was supposed to get anything would if anyone contested the will or got into a fight about what goes where. If the living decided to do the greedy route...charity got everything.
My parents paid my college tuition and I paid them back. It took monthly payments for almost 10 years. Its just a matter of priorities.
No surprise. Years ago my parents told my wife and I they did not have to 'worry' about us. When I asked what that meant they said they had been helping my sister because of her financial and personal situation and because we were doing so well they didn't have to help us. So if you want to be treated 'equally', a phrase they just loved by the way, trash your life. I've gotten over it and even if I haven't my dad's gone so it doesn't matter any more.
Parent's it's your money, do what you want. But if your not going to be truly equal for heaven's sake don't use the word fair. Siblings don't care about fair. Man up and tell your successful children they're getting the shaft. And do it while your alive.
Okay, so maybe I'm still just a little more upset than I thought.
Good post, but don't be to upset. You can be silently proud that you and your wife do not need help from your parents.
I agree with your parents. If johnny falls down you don't go over and pick up sue.
Sue should be rewarded...johnny just needs a kick in the pants
I pretty much had my bags packed and on the porch after high school. It was my (but mutual) choice. I am an independent person that wanted to make my own way, my way. I never had Mommy/Daddy Bank looming in the background as an out and I figured out early on how to hustle, see and make use of opportunities and learned how to operate leanly.
My sister ended up with well north of 100K of family assistance but it did her no favors. She still struggles with financial issues well into middle age. IMO they hurt her permanently by babying her. I feel like the lucky one frankly and I expect no inheritance.
My advice to my in-laws: Spend your money. BTW, life isn't fair. Parents aren't fair. It's best to accept that fact and be happy with what you build for yourself.
Thanks Mom and Dad for the gifts along the way. I remember you very lovingly.
Really....? Are people now basing the love of a parent on if they receive everything in equal measure as their sibling(s)? I have 4 children and we do not spend equal amounts on all of them... it's simply not logical or feasible to do so. Their activities and lifestyles as well as their needs are different. I refuse to feel as if I have to give my oldest child, who married right out of high school and had a baby 2 years later instead of going to college, X number of dollars to equal out what we are giving our next oldest son to help him through college. We do buy diapers and clothes for our granddaughter and I offer to babysit often, but we do not monetarily give the same amount to each of them.
For those of you that have hard feelings towards a parent because you feel they "slighted" you in some way during your lifetime compared to a sibling, suck it up. Don't make a parent that is having to make those hard decisions on who to help, when to help, and how much to help feel bad about doing it. Bottom line is you won't always make as much money as others, have as many friends, or have as big a house. It's not your parents job to provide those for you. If you don't have the type of relationship with your parents that you want, be an adult and make it happen. Equally doesn't have to mean the same.
Personally, I am proud that I only once had to accept a loan from my parents because of a health emergency (paid back with stock dividends). My sister, however, has run across a streak of bad luck and I hold no ill will to my parents for helping her out as much as they have.
I know if I were to need it, they'd be there for me. But I take pleasure in knowing that they don't even worry about that.
Caveat: they have cosigned on a couple of loans and I am on my father's family phone plan, but I pay my bills on time with no need for reminders.
It might have been nice, but no. My dad died young, and uninsured. My mom was not well off either. I do have this story in reverse though.
In 1984, I was still in the Air Force, and bought my first brand new car. Only 9 months later, I went overseas to Japan (you were not allowed to ship a vehicle there), while still making payments of $376/month (a lot to me then). My mom really needed a car as hers was on its last legs, so I let her "borrow" it. When I got back 18 months later, she still needed the car so badly, I did not have the heart to take it back, so gave it to her, and kept paying until it was paid off. I bought myself a used car.
When I got out of the service in 1988, and she and I rented a condo together (we both just happened to need a place at the same time, and we each paid half). My mom died a year after I got out of the Air Force, but before she died, she was so proud of how her son gave her a car. THE BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT!
I was so lucky to have that last year with her.
Kevin: What a great story! Your mom had every right to be proud and you have a happy memory.
What a great story and nice that you had a mom that understood you were helping her and appreciated it, instead of just taking the car and expecting it as 'payment for raising you' or something like that. My parents took a car my brother and I shared (they did buy it for us on our 16th) and sold it after we joined the army and kept the money. It was still a nice gift to have the car for two years, and they did actually pay for it, but it still seemed odd to me.
Kevin, great story.
hypocrisy1776..I know that 'odd' feeling. Happened to me when I came home from elementary school just in time to see 'my' playhouse going down our street on the back of a strangers truck. Big surprise, big lesson in life. sigh.
Good Son. Good Person. Good Airman.
Salute
P.S. I'll bet that car is still on the road. Somewhere. With Someone.
My parents were like this...they always helped the siblings who were quite frankly a bunch of lazy bums...I have never taken money from them since HS but I have two sisters in their 40's who have managed to suck the life out of our parents retirement...then dad died and the party ended..
Wow, I have an amazingly similar story, except I only have 1 sister and we are a bit younger, sister in her early 30's. But pretty much same thing after my dad passed. I feel you..
I think the resentment factor is more over things like inheritance. I've already made peace with the fact that I am not "getting as much" from my parents as my siblings because I am working and they are not. At the same time, the reality is that I get less monetary help and will receive less monetary help because I am successful and made better choices. I'm the "good one" who is putting money aside now because I know my parents can't afford to support my siblings and yet are, which means when the time comes, I'll be the one paying for elder care and funerals. It's sometimes hard to not be resentful that my siblings have spent the better part of their adulthood futzing about and my reward is going to be getting stuck with my parents bills.
Rap -- I would suggest you sit down with your parents and siblings now and have the tough discussion on your parents finances and their expectations on when the money runs out. If they haven't made a plan for long term care and funeral expenses and are just expecting you to pick up the tab, you need to make it very clear that that is not your responsibility. It's not an easy discussion, believe me I have been there, but sometimes it's necessary. Don't let resentment eat away at the time you have left with an older parent and your siblings.
We are in the same boat rap. My in-laws lost 80% of their savings in the 2008 stock market crash, because they had EVERYTHING in ONE bank stock. (My father in law always said he could "self-manage" his money, and refused to get a financial advisor-look what happened!) But, they continue (in thier70's!) to pay for my 43 year old (and working full time) sister-in-laws cell phone, expensive gifts for my brother-in-laws two kids, a brand new Honda Accord on credit etc etc. My FIL has stated to my husband that they only have 7 years left before their money runs out. They have hinted that they would like for us to build a "guest house" on our property for them. My husband and I have done well through hard work, saving and investing well and denying ourselves many things to fund our retirement. I know we are going to have to contribute to the upkeep of my in-laws eventually, and I resent it. I know that a family meeting is long overdue, but these people are so hard to talk to. I know if we bring up the money the spend foolishly, we will be told it is not our business. But it will be when we are asked to help financially, and that is when we are going to have to lay down the law.
The only thing I hate about this topic is that I have two siblings that received some very substantial assistance and have never once tried to pay back any of it. My parents don't worry about me because any help that they have had to give me has been repaid with interest. I did that because I felt it was the right thing to do. I wish I could say that I felt slighted, but my parents did what they had to do and I understand that. So for me it is not a huge issue. However, I can say that one sibling truly annoys me by trying to make themselves feel more important by saying they have a masters degree. I just look at them and say well good for you, at least I paid for my education on my own. It usually shuts them up pretty quick because they know I know what has been given to them.
The siblng issue is tough. My sister and I are extremely different. I went to college, performed well, worked my tail off and now have money to do as I please. I am single and I do not have children, so making the bills is never an issue for me. My OLDER sister, on the other hand, quits everything she starts and can't deal with authority figures. She jumps from job to job and lives below the poverty line.
My parents are givers to both of us, but it looks different. Where they might bail my sister out of car trouble, or try to get her re-enrolled in school, they treat me to things like a nice dinner out or a ticket for travel. While my sister may get a cable bill paid off for Christmas, Ill get something more fun.
Of course, all my sister sees is that I get the "fun stuff" and she is crazy jealous. But, she fails to recognize why it's this way because then she would have to take some personal responsibility for her poor decisions.
And, really, none of this should matter because a relationship with your parents should transcend money and gifts. My parents could give me nothing and I would still be there for them whenever they need me.
I went to a relatively inexpensive state school (but came from out of state), worked 3 jobs during school to pay for it myself, worked hard after school and got a crappy job, but kept at it and got better and better jobs.
I'm now just over 30 and have lent my parents over $1,000 on no less than 5 occasions.
Not all kids from this generation are bums like the article implies. I was lucky enough to have parents that taught me the important of savings and good financial choices, and no need for "shiny" or "fun" stuff to define who I am. Unfortunately their circumstances put them in dire straights as they got older, but their lessons lived on through me and I lend them money, not the other way around.
My parents gave me money. Lots of it. I didn't have to ask for it either. They voluntarily gave it to me. Thank you. Sincerely, Charles Joseph Kickham the 3rd. I live in Hallandale Beach, Florida, and I'm on Facebook.
For a good BJ, contact Charles Joseph Kickham the 3rd. I live in Hallandale Beach, Florida, and I'm on Facebook.
My parents often get fustrated with me because I don't allow them to help. To me, part of being an adult is facing your struggles head on without the assistance of those who raised you. I'll admit that husband and I sometimes struggle due to circumstances beyond our control but I won't allow my parents to help. I grew up watching my own parents struggle with no assistance and I also saw that they managed through those struggles just fine. My brother on the other hand doesn't view adulthood the same way (maybe because he is the baby of the family). He doesn't want to be married or have kids and isn't sure when he will want those things; likewise, he borrows off and on from our parents and doesn't see it as a big deal. He's kind of been stuck in this teenage/college kid act for sometime even though he is almost 30.
My parents gave me and my three brothers tremendous support, both financially and emotionally. Very loving - very caring. Everything I have achieved has been in large part due to their efforts. I have huge shoes to fill (with my three children and four grandchildren) and will always be grateful for their unflinching support.
BTW - They paid for all four of us to go through College & Grad School ----
Love you both dearly!!!
I just have one brother, and we never lacked for anything when we were growing up. However, once we were out on our own, our parents didn't ask if we needed any money, and we didn't ask.
I put myself through nursing school at 45. When visiting my parents right after school, my car kept having to get repaired. My parents gave me one of their CDs, $10,000 to buy a newer nice car. I could have gotten a Kia or a Hyundai new. but knowing my Dad..............I bought a Ford Ranger pickup with almost no miles on it, from an estate where a lady bought the Ranger, then died. That was in 2003 . I'm still driving it. I felt guilty about them giving me the money, they told me that they helped my brother about that much when he was in college. he became an electronics engineer. so they said it was fairly even.
my issue is actually the opposite, i am finding myself having to help my mother out, because she is divorced and draws 659.00 a month for her social security, she relies on food stamp programs and other entitlements to get by. I am hoping that mitt Romney does not get elected because he wants to do away with entitlements. I don't know what i would do if i had to take care of her completely and foot the bill for all her finances..
Same for us-both of my in-laws are hanging by a thread. My mother in law survives off of social security, food stamps and handouts from her sons. My father in law has a small pension with his current wife and social security. If we didn't help them out they'd be homeless.
A lesson for all-plan for and protect your retirement!
reace:
Your mother is not going to get affecrted as per Romney plan. All changes discussed by both parties do not affect any one under 55 or 50 year old.
I should add it is frustrating for us because my husband (a small business owner) busts his hump everyday to make it he is the one who ponies up to his parents. Two of his brothers don't contribute a dime. They greedily took everything when my in laws were flush but where are they when they need them?
On Medicaid, maybe... But if Romney gets elected, Social Security WILL be privatized, affecting them sooner, than later. SCREW REPUBLICANS!
I checked this out because I receive about the same amount as your mother and am paying a daughter's rent & taxes. Romney changes will not affect those near or on medicare and sociial security. The way I understand it, retirees will have the option to go on medicare (at a later age, also proposed by the democrats) or receive options. I think he wants to hand the responsibility to the states.
Search Romney on social security and medicare. I had to read several sources to comprehend. All politicians use "double speak".
I will vote for anyone BUT obama; the lesser of the two evils(?).
Chris, I must be lucky, I rec slightly more than your mother, but my son and I split bills that we both use as he is stationed 6/8hrs away. We split phone (cell) down the middle car ins/property/home covers everything ,meaning his laptop gets stolen, it's covered regardless of where it's at. And I do friends taxes which help a sm amount, and I am all my kids secretary at one time, now it's only my younger ones and I feel bad for my oldest because he is getting bad advice and no help from his Aunt..
And politics "double speak" is common and I usually hv to ask a friend who is really into it to explain..
My dad made 32,000 the last year of his life, but he had a couple hundred thousand saved including an inheritance from his mother.
When I bought my second house, he offered to help, but I told him I wanted to do it on my own. He told me that was one of the things he liked about me. It was a really proud moment for me. I was a Teamster at the time, working in a warehouse, and made about the same salary he did, not including overtime.
My sister was married to a Lawyer. They were constantly on ski trips and he took vacations every year to visit multiple baseball stadiums. When they bought their house, they borrowed 10,000 from Dad "temporarily" so their bank account would look better when they qualified for their big house. They never paid him back. When my brother-in-law bought a Jaguar, they didn't tell him about it.
When he died, and we went through his things, he had the canceled checks in an envelope along with canceled checks for money he loaned my uncle to start a restaurant that also wasn't paid back.
My sister had to go into therapy for awhile, but she never offered to pay me half of the money she owed him.
The irony is, my brother-in-law is now an elected "conservative", Republican judge and donates lots of money to the Republican party to keep his job. My sister thinks I'm horrible because I voted for Obama and all those welfare cheats. I told her, "Your mother is in a nursing home paid for by welfare" (my parents were divorced). She said, "She's on Medicaid Sam, not welfare!". Last time I checked, Medicaid WAS welfare.
When my other grandmother had to into a nursing home, her "conservative" children transferred all her money (around 80,000) to CDs in their names, then applied for Medicaid to pay for the nursing home. I never said it to them, but it sounds like welfare fraud to me, but that's another story.
Sorry about the rant, but this just set me off.
I read you post with a great deal of empathy and sympathy, and believe me--I understand.
Sometimes it does one well to rant. I pray your trials will ease. You will be rewarded for your kindnesses.
I am on Medicare, and don't know if we are talking semantics, but I do know mine is not part of welfare, I'm NOT eligible, my case worker argued for over 10 years to file for SS, I wasn't rec welfare, or child support and she finally won when 2+yrs after last back surgery and 1yr 2mos last cervical surgery I could not handle the wt of the pkgs and do my job,saddest day for me, I wasn't yet 40 and I loved my job, kept me busy and thin! 8 mos later a Dr gives me Rx w/o telling me the side affects and w/ a bad spine I gained 85lbs in 2 mos and he said NOTHING!!! 7 yrs later still trying to get it off , but lucky for me I have a generous son who at 18 said he'd give up school, get a job and take care of me, well I'm not dead yet, and he did go to the school he wanted and after a yr of looking for jobs in his field he enlisted 2 wks after his younger and much smaller sister into the Marine Corp. She came home the day he came out of induction because of an injury 2 different orthopedists couldn't find. She's making life work for her and he is still my rock no matter where he is stationed, because I know when the time comes, he'll have me living w/ him and not in some Home for the Elderly. I've worked in one that you pd at the time 1/4 to 1 million within 5 yrs and the hospital section still lacked!!!
And yes we all have our rants, but the thought that my 22yr old was willing to give up EVERYTHING he wanted for my comfort and she's complaining about if it's welfare or not is ridiculous.....
And my son isn't the only one in his family not to see a parent put in a nursing home! My Father-in-law at 88 lives w/ his daughter, My grandmother lived w/ her daughter til she passed and my grandfather lived w/ my grandmother til he passed on Dads side, maternal grandmother died in her home w/ my grandfather at which time my Uncle had him living a full life in his home for 20yrs and passed rt before 75th b-day. My aunt had Lupus, she died exactly one mos later on her 41st birthday in her home w/ her husband and daughter....
Why is it you people think a facility will do for your loved ones what you can't? Thinking back, I can't recall one family member put in a home, we bring them home w/ us if that is what's needed, and I remember awhile back, that caregivers can be brought in to chk on yr family member when you're at work and yes, the state pays.....
and the lack of family caregiving set me off!
4 daughters the younger two are home. $70,000 in student loan debt. Unable to find jobs. Retirement is depleting fast. Sallie Mae is a theif because they will NOT negotiate at ALL. I work to pay student loans. My 3rd daughter having tough time paing off loans by herself. Pays $850 a month. Youngest (23 didn't finish school because of tuition hikes) student loans $35,000 which my husband and I pay $500 a month. Again, Sallie Mae will NOT negotiate. Talk to their banks OBAMA.............Yes they live at home, and yes there is sibling rivalry. My husband and I don't have a life, and after 30 years of marriage we probably won't have a marriage very long either.
Don't blame our President for YOUR DAUGHTER'S choices. They wanted to get an education using DEBT, instead of going to a cheaper college, using Pell Grants, and working for paying the rest....
Their decisions, their penalty.
I feel for you about Sallie Mae and the tuitions, but my son went to school 9mos and his bill? $45,000! He is now in Marine Corp and the only break he gets from SM is Deferment when Deployed, and even that took a POA ,a letter from C.O. and 3 mos of hassles, and when in bootcamp, I had to pay those though I only get disability, 2+yrs later he's struggling ,but he gets no help via GI bill because he did school first. Daughter ,same struggling but both know they hv a home to come to, and my oldest, he pretty much listened to his Grandmother and Aunt, so now he is under the impression he doesn't hv to pay me back the mny I got from my disability, and you can guess where he is not welcome and even though my youngest son sees his brother, he knows not to loan him any money as we've learned the hard way. Each child is different, and I think you and yr husband know that and will make you stronger. But remember if you get behind w/ Sallie Mae, ask for a supervisor, lay it out and ask what your options are, you do have some
My dad is helping my sister start a business. I know he is contributing with the expenses, but I have no idea how much that is. The plan is that currently my parent's own half the business and she will eventually buy them out. Honestly, I do not expect that to happen, and I think at some point they will just hand it over to her. Fortunately, from what I can tell, the business is doing well, and my sister is a hard worker.
Because if what they are contributing to my sister, my parents offered to cover half of my daughter's daycare expenses. I accepted. My issue really is the amount of time my mother spends working for my sister for free. And because of this I hardly ever see her, and neither does my daughter. Yes, there is a little bit of resentment, but do not complain because I think it is better to keep the peace.
I've been on both ends of that stick and I can honestly say that my parents helped or id still helping all of us out, When I was innjured in what you call a dirty job (which I loved) I got behind on car and my Dad went w/o my knowledge and pd the loan off. My mother told me and said don't expect an inheritance, their money they are entitled to do as they want. They paid my sister's private christian college til she dropped because she was pregnant, which she conveniently forgets and they still help my brothers out and I'm the youngest. Here's the kicker, my sister is the only one pissed about what they do w/ what they worked for, yet when I loaned mny to my oldest because he was supposed to be financially stable ,my mother and sister both told him he doesn't have to pay me back, even though he reneged on the loan to me and the bank ,but owed me twice what his bank loan was, and he sees nothing wrong, my second son, we go back and forth and have joint bills and separate but we work together, and both boys had same job ( USMC) which my sister encouraged oldest out of and then badmouths everyone, my daughter is another chapter, she went into bootcamp and came home 2 mos later, it seems our community did not believe coaches should hv knowledge of what they teach, and they found out from a twisted step into a pothole she has NO cartilage in one knee, so she keeps trying but like it or not the 2 youngest know if I kick it w/o sons loan repaid he gets nothing, because he feels entitled and yet I raised and supported these children by myself and he should have respect for his siblings and myself as we gave up alot for him . And keep in mind these kids today, do go behind the parents back to grandparents who will give anything to one, but not all grandchildren! In a 20 yr time period my parents only wanted my oldest to visit (my mothers doing) My in-laws would have loved to see all , but she passed 2days before they left for CA , and no the funeral was not held for them, nor did my parents ever think they were also entitled to see the grandchild in CA.
And I could go on to how the youngest sister-in-law stole all her GF's possessions regardless that her mom should've rec them. It's just a sad state that w/ or w/o money involved some siblings are just looking for a way to hurt the others and the parents are either in the middle or believe everything said w/o proof....so if anyone has read this far, keep EVERY reciept when you payback any monies to family members, my last one was for oldest sons plane fare to CA for bootcamp, and my parents took it, w/o a word, and then he tells me he had already pd them, so I'm at peace w/ whatever help rec, and my son will find out it can bite you in the ass in the longterm