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Subscribe to RSSFormer Obama administration official Anne-Marie Slaughter talks to TODAY's Natalie Morales about her controversial article in The Atlantic, which debates whether women can juggle high-powered careers and be good mothers at the same time.
Women can have it all if they fight for what they need.
That was the message that came from a powerful woman who sparked a national debate last week about women and their success in the workplace and as mothers.
Anne-Marie Slaughter, a former U.S. State Department official and now a Princeton professor, spoke about her The Atlantic article, “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”, Monday on TODAY, and wanted to make it clear that her piece was not negative but more of a call to action to women struggling with balancing work and life.
“Women have come leaps and bounds,” she said about the advancements women have made in the workplace, “but we need another round of change.”
Working mothers, she continued, make it to a point in their career where they’re beginning to climb the ladder of success, but then they end up feeling “unbelievably torn” when family and work responsibilities clash.
Indeed, many women are questioning whether they can really have it all. An informal poll taken last week in an article about Slaughter’s story and the controversy that ensured, asked “Do you think women can have it all?” found only 11 percent of the nearly 4,000 respondents felt it was possible, compared to 48 percent that offered a resounding “no” to the question.
But in a sign of hope, 41 percent voted: “Maybe, when the workplace changes.”
And it’s change Slaughter wants to see.
“We need to be honest about how hard it is,” she said about the first step women need to take. And secondly, she stressed, “you have to ask for what you need. If you need to work from home, ask for it.”
In the end, she added, it’s all about a serious “desire for change.”
Change needs to happen on a larger scale as well, maintained Debra L. Ness, president of the National Partnership for Women & Families.
"Most of America’s women and their families are confronted on a daily basis with the fact that ‘having it all’ is still a distant dream, and we know that it will not get better until our workplaces are family friendly," she said. "We need policies like paid sick days and paid family and medical leave for all workers, and all workers need the flexibility to be caregivers and breadwinners for their families."
Slaughter's article, she added, "should be a call to action for employers and lawmakers to finally address the growing demand for workplaces that meet the needs of 21st century families."
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As a male, I don't feel a bit of reservation about agreeing with the spirit of this article! In fact, I believe its much broader than the workplace and the station of "mother"...
The struggle for women in general, is a struggle for the upgrade of her intelligence, ability and her humanity, in all realms of society! In the area of political participation and decision-making, more women with real power must be sitting at the table - Not to say that this is not happening anywhere, but to put emphasis on idea that the direction, and the well-being of the global community, is dependent on what women offer to the world, in their natural (mother) makeup!!!
I am reminded of a response by Dear Abby a few weeks ago when a women wrote to say she was going to another country to follow her lover. Abby agreed that it was a good idea, but to keep in mind many countries don't allow women the freedom they are allowed in the US.
As a male in the US, I say do what you want. Just could you lower the whining level a little?
Neither men nor women can have it all. However, the fantasy that every woman should stay home with her children is ignorant at best. I am a single mother. If I do not work at least 40hrs a week then I am not capable of supporting her in a way I feel she deserves. We do not live the high life, but to afford a home in a safe neighborhood and good school district, healthy food and access to reliable medical care I need to work. I feel horrible that I can not attend every event or put her into certain after school activities due to my obligations, but that's the way it is.
This is an easy one: Should have exercised your "choice" to not have a kid until you could afford her.
Duh.
I'm a woman in my 40s. I don't have children, and I don't plan to have any as I've simply never had the desire (and I do feel there are too many humans stressing the planet as it is). My only concern with have-it-all moms OR dads: Sometimes, they have it all at the expense of other workers, who pick up the slack when they have to alter their schedules/workload to accommodate family responsibilities.
I recall interviewing for a job a few years ago that paid below the market rate but had a great daycare stipend, which the company kept boasting about to make the job more tempting to me. Again, I don't have children and do not plan to. I asked if I could have the cash instead of the stipend. They of course said "no." Honestly, that seemed quite unfair - my co-workers would essentially be paid more than I would because they'd chosen to have children. I realize kids are expensive, but that really didn't offset the feeling that I was getting paid less for working more.
Dangerous slope with that, though. That would be like saying I am healthy and in my 30's so my employer should pay me as much as they pay for a family in their 40's who have 5 children. It just isn't realistic. The dollar amount in benefits will never be the same for each employee.
Again, having it all really means being content with both areas of your life-- which most women have a hard time doing because the people around us do things that cause us to have guilt about how much time/energy we dedicate to each task. not about slacking off at work. But everyone has to alter their schedules at some point or another-- not just moms and dads.
MSWM wrote "I recall interviewing for a job a few years ago that paid below the market rate but had a great daycare stipend. I asked if I could have the cash instead of the stipend. They of course said "no." Honestly, that seemed quite unfair."
It's similar to charging men and women the same health insurance rates (it's illegal for corporate plans to discriminate by sex) even though women consume the bulk of health care services during their working lives.
Funny how women have a choice, but men have an expectation placed upon them.
I guess they want equal rights, but only if their rights are more equal than men.
Women want equal rights, but they don't want equal responsibilities.
When women start demanding their "right" to sign up for Selective Service when they are 18 and refuse to take student loans until they get that right, I'll start believing women are sincere when they say they want equality.
Really? There are no expectations on women? Not sure where you are from, but I am certainly expected to have a career and be a parent and do the extra cirriculars, and have the house cleaned and breakfast and dinner cooked. And I do. I see no where in that article where women are asking for less responsibility.
I believe women can have it all, just not at the same time.
I was a stay at home mom for 10 years. I was interviewing, to go back to work in my profession. I had no difficulty getting a job offer and discussing my job as a mom. Most of the men I interviewed with, had wives that quit their profession to stay at home with kids. They too, are seeking to go back into the workforce.
It is an important decision and sacrifice. Some women who are high on the corporate ladder and have children, acutally grieve the fact that they have not had the job of being a mother. It's a part of your life that's gone.
You can always make money, but you can't make more time. Enjoy it.
Bare foot and pregnant has always been a laudable goal.
I enjoyed "having it all" for a period of time. It left me with a lot of regrets;I was constantly torn between being home for my son and traveling and being a success. Lots of compromising. It all worked out; I had my success, my son had a great private school education and college. He's on his way to his own success. Maybe he learned some real life lessons from his business mom that he wouldn't have learned otherwise; I am the one he turns to for advice and wisdom. I still think I short changed myself as a mom, though.
Why are we turning women into a special interest group? Why would women deserve any more than men?
This is SUCH nonsense.
Where does it say that women should have more than men? I didn't see that in the article at all. This article looked at the issues one gender faces with balancing life. What is so wrong with that?
The entire article is about changing the workplace to accommodate women, uh, nooo, making the workplace better for everyone.
Nothing, if a woman balancing her life doesn't put unfair burden on someone else doing the same job. As my name indicates, I spend quite a bit of my time on the road because women in my business want to sit in front of a computer rather than going to North Dakota in February to work with the client. I would love to be able to tell my boss I do not want to travel because I have kids, but that doesn't work for men. The boss will say you knew what you signed up for, so go do our job. Jane, well we have to treat her differently.
If you have a job that requires travel, that would be true. If someone signed up for a job that required travel, they should be required to do it. Not everyone does-- so I don't think that really makes up a huge arguement for what is being said in this article. I know that for the people who have to travel at my company (and I do a small amount of the time), they always try to make it at a time that is the least convenient for any gender, because the work place DOES respect their lives outside of work.
The real answer is no. Their situation is the same old story of the elephant meeting the rhino. One has to take precedence over the other: family life or work.
The only card some not all, (in fact 99% of the women I work with are really good) play is sexism in the workplace. Some will work 6 hour days then attend their child's soccer game, school play, etc. All admirable yes, I agree.
But ultimately, if you're constantly doing it, someone has the take up the slack, especially in today's workplace where resources are lean. Whether it's a male or single female or female without children, those are the ones that should be considered for promotion.
Fight for what? The opportunity for your kids to be raised by someone else? Because that's what's going to happen when you "have it all". If you want kids, one of these is going to suffer. Your income/career or your kids/family. Choose ONE. That's why the dual income family (effectively cutting Men's salary in half compared to what it USED to cover) is one of the biggest SHAMS ever put on the American people.
Unless of course you can manage to get a 6 figure (Because usually the context of this discussion means the woman is doing this "solo") job down the street only working from 10-2 everyday while the kids are in school and can get them off the bus. Haven't come across many of those myself. Even if you work from home, you can still only be SO effective at being an employee or a parent for most jobs that actually pay well. Yes your career won't go as far if you take a multi-year break from it to (correctly) raise your children. That's just reality. Would be the same for a man too!
Deal with it ladies, cause the men sure do! Still think it was a great idea? My wife would KILL every woman in her office to "just be a mom" for our 8 yr old son.
The push for women's "equality" in the work place, indeed their movement from home into the work place, is something sponsored and supported by government for other than altruistic reasons. It may have had its roots in the WW2 economy when "Rosie the riveter" replaced men fighting in the war but it gained strength therreafter as government realized that having both men and women working doubled their tax base. It used to take only one bread winner to support a family; taxes were less onerous; and government smaller. That all changed and for the worse with "women's liberation". Yes, women were liberated from stereotyped roles but at what cost and to whose benefit? Follow the money.....in this case tax money. Government at all levels attempts to expand the tax base to support their expansion. It's sort of like a pride of lions looking at a herd of zebras and wanting to increase their protein base. As a zebra I wouldn't look too favorably on that arrangement.
First women fight to be treated equally and now they want to be treated differently? I'm confused. What exactly do they want? When they get it, can I have it too or is it just for women?
Most women look down on men. Women as a group want to be treated as well as the top 20% of men and better than the other 80% of men.
they just want to bitch.
Wow a lot of folks with a need to vent here. The real issue is how you define "having it all" . It is not the same for everyone, for some it is money and others it is family and still others it is both. I'm sure there are other areas that folks consider as having it all. Personally I feel our family has it all and what makes us happy is no one else's business. I don't understand why people have to define it for others or try to blame others if they don't achieve it. You can get exactly what you want in this life if you are willing to make the sacrifices required and you can overcome any obstacle if you really are determined and don't ever give up. You just have to be sure it is really worth it.
They want it ALL! Well they won't get the part that I have created and earned! They must create their own legacy! I would destroy my achievements before I would allow them to be taken from me in the name of equality.
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I loved her article and if everyone would have read it properly it just wasn't about women, it was about men as well. We live in America the land where we have everything but no time to enjoy it because of our work hours and days with little vacation. Things need to change! We need to learn to value our lives, our home lives, children, family, more than we do working to make someone else rich, so those people can have more time off.
The way woman can fight, is to VOTE out all republicans from political office in D.C. and in every state. Republicans are dangerous and out of control and they must be stopped.
VOTE VOTE VOTE
right. Let meknow how your kid likes daycare 12 hours a day. How's the liberal feminist movement working for you? At least we have conservative values, not dropping our kids off at an institution or farming them out for other people to take care of. And people wonder ehy kids today are bad. THE PARENTS ARENT AROUND TO PARENT! It's not that hard people! If mom and dad are never around and too tired when they get home,...guess what?
I read the article.......
The article is kind of misleading. It's not really about women rights at all. But allowing parents to have flexable time with their kids.
Single fathers, single mothers, married couples with kids, etc.
I agree with most of it. I do think single mothers and father should of chose a different type of profession or have kids later on as my parents did.
My parents had me my mother had her own massage practice and my dad was a PI. Both successful and were at home majority of the time.Attended every event for all three of us, PTA to Highschool football, due to them chosing to have us when they were stable and had their own businesses.
No. It's about high-powered women, like all women, unable to cede power in the domicile to a man, particularly when children are present. Why are there no articles written to describe that children are not the property of women?
Life is what you make it. Opportunity is what comes along or what you put effort into.
Letting others have equal opportunity detracts nothing meaningful from yourself, and allows you the freedom to seek other opportunities.
Treat others as you would want to be treated.
This issue isn't about women, it's about humans, any gender.
I guess if you thikn having it all is leaving your kid at a miserable daycare for 12 hours a day. You can be repalced at work. You cant be replaced as a mother. Ask your kid when they're older if they resented daycare and the fact you were never around. Then ask yourself if the nice car fancy house and i phone were all worh it. Right. Life is about choices. Feminist movement lets these dumb women think they can have it all. Yes, you can, at the expense of your children!
I am SO sick of women complaining about how hard it is to have kids. I have no kids by choice. I made a CHOICE. So did everyone mother. You should have thought it out before you got pregnant. Suck it up.
Many people are willing to abandon their spouses and families in favor of making more money and climbing the career ladder. They tend to make much more money.
Women are less likely to do this. They are unwilling to make the mental leap of prioritizing career over family.
Men also don't worry about their biological clocks. Women are well aware that the best time in their lives to have a family is in their 20s and 30s. Pregnancy risk and likelihood of health issues in the baby increases dramatically in their 40s, though with modern medicine it's much safer than it used to be. But these are the prime decades for building the foundation of your career.
Men simply don't worry about this. "When to have children" is a question that, by and large, simply isn't on their radar. They can simply charge forward in their career, and if their wife/girlfriend gets pregnant, say "I really need to focus on my career, would you mind taking charge of the childrearing." And what can the woman do if he stands his ground? Leave him and raise the kid on her own? Or be a superwoman, trying to be a full-time mommy and career woman?
Women can't make this ultimatum. They can't just say to their man, "I'm going to focus on my career. You focus on the family stuff." If he's not totally on the same page and willing to do this, he can simply refuse. Usually with the "well, YOU'RE the one who pushed for us to have a baby, YOU need to deal with it" argument. And usually she DID push for the baby because of the aforementioned biological clock, so she gives in.
No it's NOT fair. No, it's NOT right. But I think it's the ultimate cause of most of the income disparity. Are employers going to give a raise to the woman who takes maternity leave and keeps having to take days off for sick children, or the man who works overtime on the weekends and is willing to take a business trip over the Christmas holiday? It's NOT fair that a woman who wants to be a good mother ends up being a less valuable employee. But employers are not going to give raises and promotions out of compassion and empathy for a working woman's plight. They only care about how many dollars you're bringing in versus how many dollars you're costing them.
I don't think men or women with kids should get special treatment. I've chosen not to have kids, and I hate seeing people with kids taking all these sick days, having to leave early, asking to work from home etc. This puts more burden on the rest of us who are here. Companies should not compensate for extra sick days, etc. beyond the standard. You chose to have kids, your employer should not pay for it.
Okay, Ladies, here is the TRUTH. You cannot, ever, ever, ever have it ALL. Because, no listen carefully, YOU CAN'T BE IN 2 PLACES AT ONE TIME. CHOOSE- be a mommy or be a Career Gal. For those of us who never had the choice, because our exes are bums, for those of us who have to 2 jobs, let me tell you, it is the children who "sacrifice" 100% of the time. Even if you're "working from home" you are not paying attention to your kids, you are not there for them, they are, quite frankly, in the way. If you have children and can afford to stay home and "RAISE" them, that is by far the more important CAREER. If you don't think so, get your tubes tied, FAST.
Interesting. My kids go to school and have activities and friends. Not sure why I would be sitting home???? And I would also like my kids to grow up and be independent and not rely on mommy for their everything. Guess what? The world doesn't stop if you don't get what you want. They need to learn relationships with people outside of mom. Scary thought any other way.
I think Patricia has a point, but primarily for younger babies and toddlers. What's the point of having a kid if your daycare provider sees them more than you do? At that point, you're really just outsourcing the raising of your child to a third party.
I realize not everybody has a choice, but my wife and I have sacrificed a great deal so that one of us could always be a stay-at-home parent. We make half as much money as most families of similar education and ability in our city because we refuse to have both of us working. For a while I was the breadwinner, while she stayed home and raised the babies. She was quite insistent that she breastfeed, and that she needed to be home for those years. I wasn't very good at being a career man, so when the kids were old enough, she went back to work and now I'm staying home.
This has allowed us to put the kids in a weird, alternative school where they only go to school for 4 hours and then spend 2 hours a night in intensive, parent-guided homeschooling. One of the highest rated schools in the state -- and a program that's almost completely impossible for any family that doesn't have a stay-at-home parent.
But we make less than $30k/year. For a family of 5 that's very tight. But it's more important for kids to have parents in their life than money and the "stuff" money buys.
Don't expect concessions in the work place just because you are a mom and an employee. Don't expect single professional women to take a sympathetic approach to your needs either. For ever married mom in the workplace, there is a single woman without personal obligations that is just as hungry for the promotions. Difference is, she's able to put the time and effort into the required work load request because she's free from the family obligations and that's the life she chose. The single professional makes sacrifices just as the married mom does, just in a different way.
And I think before any married mom goes around making demands of her employer to be more flexible and accomodating, I highly recommend she make those demands of her partner at home first. If he's not willing to make the concessions and give her more freedom and time, well don't expect it from your employer as a right. If it doesn't fly at home where the demands should be met with more easily, then go figure it out for yourself why things aren't being granted to you so easily by your employers. Work life balance is important, I agree, but don't expect to be elevated to the top of the corporate ladder just because you want something to be cosmically rearranged for you so things are easier. Personally, I think some people are a little twisted in their definition of what having it all really means and are making things worse for women instead of better by yammering about fighting for it. If you want to fight you are going to have a lot of stress and battles in your life that really don't equate in the end to "having it all". And I can promise all you fighting mommies in the workplace, that your single female counterparts are not going to just lie down and not fight right back.