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Reuters
Brian Dunn is the former CEO of Best Buy because of an affair he had with an employee.
There’s been a lot of romance going on in the corner office lately.
CEOs of two major companies -- Best Buy Co. and Stryker Corp. -- have resigned amid allegations of affairs with employees, and the focus has been on the top dogs who enter improper relationships despite the risk to their careers. But what about the subordinates who hook up with the boss?
In most cases the employees involved tend to remain anonymous, at least beyond company walls; although there has been some chatter about the identity of the woman involved with former Best Buy CEO Brian Dunn.
Clearly such affairs can impact the careers and lives of employees, not just their managers. Despite this, a surprisingly large percentage of workers seem willing to risk their job for love.
Nearly 40 percent of employees say they’ve dated someone at work, and of those almost 30 percent say they’ve hooked up with someone above them in company rank, according to a CareerBuilder online survey of about 7,800 workers polled late last year.
Women were more likely to date someone higher ranking, at 35 percent, while only 23 percent of men saying they had.
And it seems younger workers are much more open to the worker-boss relationship than their older counterparts.
A poll conducted by Workplace Options, an employee benefits firm, found that 40 percent of "millennials," ages 18 to 29, were willing to have a relationship with a manager, compared with about 12 percent for workers 30 and over.
“One of the most interesting pieces of information that came from this survey was that 34 percent of workers said they didn’t know if their company had policies governing romantic relationships in the workplace,” said Dean Debnam, chief executive officer of Workplace Options, about the poll released earlier this year.
“Human beings are going to interact, and these relationships are going to happen, but it is essential that companies have clear policies in place that outline what is acceptable and what is not so that there are no perceptions of inequality, favoritism or an imbalance of power.”
Surprisingly, the vast majority of companies have no official policy on office romance. According to the Society for Human Resource Management only 18 percent of organizations have a written policy, 7 percent have a verbal policy, and 72 percent have nothing at all.
While a lack of any company guidance may make some workers think a workplace love fest is OK, office affairs, especially those with someone who’s above you, can be a dumb idea.
"Hooking up with the boss is always a bad career move if you plan on staying at your company,” said Nancy Shenker, author of “Don’t Hook Up with the Dude in the Next Cube.”
She offers a rundown of how things can go wrong for all involved:
- Your co-workers will eventually find out and resent you, believing you are getting preferential treatment. (Just watch "Mad Men.")
- You will never be able to get a true read on your performance at work.
- If one of you believes it "just a one-night thing" and the other is looking for something more, the awkwardness will be a distraction at work, if not worse.
- A boss who hooks up with an employee probably doesn't have a good grasp of sexual harassment law. Such bosses open them up to lawsuits, which may indicate a lack of common sense.
Indeed, employees who change their mind about the allure of the boss could face harassment or retaliation by the spurned manager.
“Suddenly a relationship that was consensual is, ‘I was sleeping with the boss because he wanted me to,’” said Helene Wasserman, an employment attorney with Littler Mendelson.
So why does it happen?
“Many people make choices to engage in sexual relationships that they ultimately regret,” said Simon Rego, director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center. “One factor at work may be the amount of time spent working together.”
“While not always the case,” he continued, “many people become attracted to the people in their lives that they see the most frequently. Greater time spent allows for depth in relationships to be created.”
In some situations, junior employees may feel pressured by advances from their managers, while others may think the sleep-your-way-to-the-top mentality is the best approach. And let's not rule out the real chance you actually fall for the boss.
In the end, Shenker acknowledged, “people are human, sexual beings and hook-ups happen. If it does, get your resume together and start packing. Transfer to another department if your company is big enough, or look for another opportunity.”
Leave a Comment:
If the boss is willing to 'hook up' with you, he or she is simply stupid, and should be avoided. When the relationship ends, which it almost always does, the bad feelings place both person's employment in jeopardy.
Other employees are also out to get the folks involved as they see the relationship as creating an unfair competitive situation with the person involved with the boss having, temporarily, an unfair advantage.
Holy Christ, is this a meaty topic! Why are these affairs so common? It's because people are working longer than they are home! Nine and ten hour days/shifts with people of the opposite gender, and of course many of these interactions lead to affairs. You know - he flirts, she flirts back - coffee here, long lunches there - you know the rest.
My parents always told me that smart dogs don't poop where they have to lie. My dad in particular has seen careers and marriages ruined at his firm. That's the best advice I've ever been given. I work with some attractive women, and we have great professional relationships with each other. It's about a fifty-fifty split of women and men where I work.
I've seen THREE women fired in front of me because of this (yes- ladies: IT'S USUALLY THE WOMAN who is asked - or PRESSURED- to leave if the relationship goes south!)
In ALL THREE instances it was due to an illicit relationship with a married higher-up.
It comes down to this: what do you value MORE: your family, job security and your HOME, or your illicit flame? Think about it.
You are presuming that the parties involved are married! Suppose both are single?
It really doesn't matter whether you're married or single. It's still dumb.
Your direct boss?? NEVER!! Somebody higher than you in another department.....not a big deal....
Indeed ... humans are sexual beings.
But they have brains, too.
Companies are profit-seeking beings.
Sexual harrassment claims can crush profits. Consider the profit-killing effects of bad morale.
These affairs nearly always end badly.
Any company that doesn't forbid this is stupid. Any boss that doesn't avoid this is working against the company ... and needs to be terminated.
What's troublesome is how many people don't see anything wrong with this.
We need education campaigns ... this is fixable.
I've seen people try to sleep their way to the top, and the results were always bad for the sleeper and the sleepee. Dating people with whom you work is just being lazy and lacks foresight.
If your boss is a 25 year old girl, and you're a 50 year old man, you could go to jail if something goes wrong. It's just a bad move. Don't do it!
IBuy, can you explain WHY a "50 year old man" could go to jail if he has a 'hookup' with his 25 year old female boss?
Both are well above the age of legal consent, unless the sex was forced, I fail to see how this could be a criminal act.
Please to enlighten...
Go to jail??? Check your facts, bro.
With or without specific guidance, office affairs have historically been generally held to be taboo, a common knowledge apparently lacking in younger workers. Common sense would seem to indicate that such relationships are inherently dangerous, but then common sense is all too uncommon.
Its all about Power, and the power dynamic makes people do things they normally wouldn't do, and to manipulate people.
My experience:
1) I have been married to a (now former) coworker for 22 years, we met at work but were at level jobs for many years, in the same dept. My company has many couples working here but does not allow one to be 'above' the other.
2) Before getting married, I "hooked up" with my boss, we were coworkers and friends before she became my boss, we broke semi-amicably, then she left the company. We dated for a few months-- but I wouldn't recommend it.
3) I was not able to be a direct report under my second cousin once removed (I checked the relationship)-whom I hardly knew, but of course we knew we were related distantly and the company just put me on another team.
It is not true the bossman (especially if he is married) has more power in these relationships.
Women are protected by the courts and often women use their court protection to sue and or demand special treatment often after manipulating and trapping their prey. Black mail is common from gold diggers.
This horse hockey dem/lib women are victims propaganda is a bunch of LIES!
The man almost always is the LOSER when a women is involved. If he has any money that is. The better looking she is the bigger trouble he is in, those gold diggers are experts at getting what they want with very little effort .
There is no easier track in life than that of an hot chick. It is literally a free ticket to ride, you just pick a winning horse, if you are smart enough to realize it that is?
Fake media propaganda rebuttal: The man almost always is the LOSER when a women is involved.
Why doesn't he prevent being a "LOSER" by not getting involved with her?
Guys turn down free easy sex with hot women all the time, right?
If you think about it, men chase women and get rejected almost constantly and are forced to jump through multiple hoops to get the prize their WHOLE life.
Married guys have no excuse but it is understandable.....
Single guys should be able to get away with it because it is naturally a womens decision if she wants to give it up. She shouldnt be court protected if she does the deed. Guys always want it, women control it.
Women do have the power in these relationships, as you've aptly observed, through both control of the "goods" and recourse to the courts/blackmail if things go south. Women are not the victims. It is just like strippers. Who is the party really being exploited in an exotic dance? The person who simply shakes their carcass, or the person who feels compelled by their biological drives to give away their money (and often quite a bit of money) to the carcass shaker? Would she give him money if he danced about in his skivvies?
But, I offer a solution to your cynical summary of the male-female state of affairs. Men, here is the secret to women. Forget chasing them. Focus on career, stability, and cashflow, and the women will chase you. No hoops to jump through. And only minimal handsomeness and attention to hygeine is required. Don't question it. And don't let any woman try to convince you that it isn't true. Thank me later.
40 percent of "millennials," ages 18 to 29, were willing to have a relationship with a manager
SMH. Are they that desperate for sex?
it'd just the fantasy notion by some office cutie in a short skirt that an affair will ensure job security, preferential treatment and/or a bigger paycheeck. as my dad told me years ago, " never get your meat where you get your bread ." I should have taken heed. Affairs cost me two jobs, and the sex wasn't that good, both gals were pro manipulaters.. Dumb move for anyone hooking up with a co-worker, IT WILL COST.
Two words -- Melinda Gates
If you are dumb enough to sleep with a coworker then you deserve all the hell you get back. Especially if either of two dummies are married.
The main thing is that by definition you can't have a consensual relationship with someone who has power over you. Consensual isn't just about entering the relationship but about your ability to control it and leave it as desired. That is pretty much impossible when you perceive or actually are going to face workplace consequences.
Crapola. Of course you can have a consensual relationship. It just may not be wise or end well; but then again, it might. You are stepping into a tautology, but not a well constructed one; since some subjacent participants may neither "perceive or actually are going to face workplace consequences". (I take it that you mean materially adverse consequences, since either positive or diminimus "consequences" would have no real negative effect.)
I made this mistake once. Right out of school i was working at a hospital labratory & this older lady seemed nice & was showing me what to do. Then she started coming to get me when she had nothing to do. Being MIA at work isnt a good thing. When things went south the phones in my work area started ringing off the hook. If someone picked up it was either audio recordings of "intimate things" being done or someone calling anonymous & using a voice changer & saying what a looser I was. You know who was always close by but could never be seen directly when these sorts of things happened. I wont even mention the nasty text messages. It was always some technicality where nothing could be traced to implement my superior. After Weeks of humiliation & weird stares from every woman in the lab, & 9 flat tires in one week I resigned from the job. And moved 1,000 miles away. Total nut job.
Seems to me that it wasn't dating a superior that bought you a whole lot of grief & trouble; it was getting involved with a "fatal attraction" type of crazy lady.
I agree that the sleeping with the boss thing is a bad idea, but dating your co-worker, if you can be confident and up-front about it with your peers, can lead to happiness. I met my late wife at work and we were together for 17 years and married for the last 14 of them. Because we ended up at the same employer for the same reasons it turned out we had loads in common. We were both single and 20 something at the time so there wasn't too much baggage attached and we did work in different departments so were only occasionally working on the same projects.
My married boss slept with our married head secretary (he is 20 yrs. her senior)AFTER he had knowledge that she had just finished an affair with one of our co-workers. The affair with the co-worker ended badly because the secretary was the one who got dumped - the co-worker went back to his wife. The secretary ended up losing her job and my boss got a "write-up" from upper management. We are a small office, and these activities almost decimated us. Morale is at an all-time low and, even though the secretary is gone, we still have our no-common-sense boss and equally no-common-sense co-worker. None of my office mates respect these two men anymore and we all feel like our office is the laughing stock of the company. These things NEVER turn out well. So many people get hurt, not to mention the loss of productivity in the office. It is never worth it. Your personal life should be left at the front entrance of your workplace when you enter the building. Your work/professional life should be left at the front entrance when you leave the building. End of story.
Bolo, I am sorry about your office morale, but you paint with too broad a brush. These people were all married; and your secretary sounds like what used to be called a "home-wrecker" in times of less political correctness and more common sense.
Best Buy? Never. Not after they cave in to muslim demands.
Do not poop where you eat.
so love is poop? I always thought so.
Most people dont seem to care. However that dont care attitude in office is going to get you f(ucked and then you will be really s(crewed!
If the two of you fall in love and it last no problem anything else for get it.
Power, status, accomplishment, knowledge and greater experience are aphrodisiacs; so is being a mentor of any sort. And a younger, attractive lady who is eager to learn and appreciative and who works closely with a more experienced and accomplished mentor is often of great allure to that man. She admires him, and he admires her; in different but complementary ways. Neither one has to be a predator or "gold-digger" as modern political correctness would have us believe. It is simply human nature as socialized in most cultures.
In 1981, a female director to whom I was temporarily assigned as an engineer coerced me to accompany her to bars and other socializing. She was a well known office predator, although I didn't know it until then. It didn't matter that I was married then. If I wanted to survive, I had to put up with the unwanted advances as did everyone else near her. In 2007, an unmarried female director with whom I needed to work had affairs with two married VPs at the same time. She used this to maintain her position when she had the highest turnover of employees in the IT department from her complete incompetence. Although the VPs were more culpable because of their positions and how they protected her from the normal consequences of incompetence, she initiated the affairs, not the VPs. All three should have been terminated. The disasterous turnover under the female director got discussed in my presence in the board room amongst the CEO, CIO and other VPs because it adversely affected business objectives depedent on the IT projects that were adversely affected. I have at least four more examples of how destructive this is, only one of which was initiated by male predator supervisor. The other three were women subordinates looking for willing supervisors. They found them. Everyone in these examples should have been summarily terminated for cause. They all destroyed morale and productivity in everyone around them by engaging in their office sexual politics.