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Subscribe to RSSFess up: Have you ever told your partner the purse you bought was on sale when really it wasn’t, or pretended you spent $200 on sports tickets that really cost $300?
This week, TODAY.com and Self revealed the results of an online survey about love and money – or, more specifically, when and why we keep money secrets from the people we love.
Our readers had a lot to say about the survey, which found that even though many people think honesty about money is as important as sexual fidelity, it’s not uncommon to fib at least a bit about our spending habits.
Many readers told us that to keep the peace and avoid having to lie about money, they simply keep separate accounts.
“Don't need to, we have our own discretionary accounts for 'fun' spending. He has no say over what I spend mine on, and vice versa,” one reader wrote.
Another reader said it wasn’t an issue for an entirely different reason: “We've never had enough money for me to have something to lie about.”
Over on our Facebook page, many readers weighed in on how much they feel comfortable spending without consulting their spouse or partner.
One reader revealed her secret to financial success.
“My husband and I created the "$75 rule" when we got married almost 16 years ago,” she wrote.
Another related why hers didn’t work out.
“My ex bought a new van, without consulting me....the next day, I filed for a divorce !!” the Facebook user wrote.
Financial issues can break a marriage, and they can also keep people from getting married. Another popular post this week looked at the growing number of people over 50 who are choosing to move in together without getting married, often because it makes more sense financially.
The story prompted a lot of readers to share their grievances about bitter divorces that had taken a financial and emotional toll. But many readers also told us that they had found late-in-life happiness without official paperwork.
“Marriage makes sense if you plan to raise children. But, my sweetie and I are long past child bearing years. … I feel blessed that after suffering through many miserable grief filled years of a "conventional" marriage, I found my true life partner. We are now enjoying our second decade together. We love each other very much and we and are contented with our ‘unconventional’ marriage,” one reader wrote.
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One has to wonder what the point of having life partner is when you can't be honest with them and feel the need to hide things.
A friend got a call from a utility company the day after her divorce. They asked for a $100 additional deposit. When she asked why, the agent responded, "Who is going to pay the bill?". My friend responded, "Me like always. Why do you think I'm getting divorsed?".
Shortly after my divorce I went car shopping. When I asked about test driving one in particular he told me that I should come back with my husband. Another time I took my car remote into the jewelery counter at wal-mart and ask the lady to change out the battery for me (as I have done practically all my life when one dies on me) She told me that I needed to have my husband open it for me because she couldn't do it there! It has amazed me the dependence that society puts on women to need a man around. So happy to be single and know how to install a ceiling fan by myself!
When I went to buy my car, the salesman asked me where my husband was. I told him I wasn't old enough to be married (I was 22 at that time), then he said I should have my father with me.
I look at him, and asked why. His reply was young ladies need some expert help in purchasing and fiancing a vehicle. I told him to F off and left. Went to 2 other dealers, selling the same make and model. The last one never mentioned anything about husbands, parents, etc.
And he was glad to see me leave, I argued the price for about 1/2 hr, and when he came down, I then said, "If I pay cash, do I get another 10% off?" I guess he thought I was joking, but I wasn't, so he said yes. I pulled out my check book, and paid in full right then and there.
Some men hate the thought that women can do some, but not all things a man can do. And the sad part, some women think the same way as the men do.
My parents, who were beyond broke (in grad school, living on loans), had a $5 rule. They never spent more than $5 w/o discussing it first. They've been married 33 years now. Money, while scarce for the first 15 years or so, was never an issue. Their example is probably why my husband and I are the only ones of our married friends that don't seem to have couple-money issues. All money is family money. No his/hers. Everything is discussed and planned. We aren't in debt (except for the house), and we don't have money disputes endangering our marriage.
I live with a guy for 10 years. He was a early retiree. He always had extra cash to purchase anything he wanted. I one the other hand was still working but still my inflow of cash was never even close to his. I spent 10 years watching him lavish himself in treasures that he purchased for himself, while I struggled to pay my fair share. Occasionally he would hand me a five dollars...when I asked him. When I finally "threw in the towel", he actually asked me why.
My divorce is solely due to finances. All her income was deposited into a separate account for her, mine into a joint account. I set out a budget for the discretionary spending from the joint account for her to spend. How she used it was up to her. She was unable to stay anywhere close to budget ($1000/month). I covered all monthly bills. Net result was I had to borrow money to cover the monthly bills. The worst thing about it, she had $75K in income last year that went to her account and I had to pay the income tax for it from the joint account.
Sometimes giving someone leeway is not the proper response.
My ex and I were in our mid-20s, and money was always tight. He always paid the bills, but if he couldn't pay all of them, he chose not to pay the ones in my name. He decided to sacrifice my credit rating to preserve his own. This selfishness carried into all areas of our relationship. SO glad we divorced after two years.