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Mike Blake / Reuters
A pair of elderly couples view the ocean and waves along the beach in La Jolla, Calif. More couples over 50 are living together (minus the marriage certificate) and for many money is a big factor.
Shacking up. It's not just for the kids anymore.
The number of people over age 50 who are living together romantically has more than doubled in a decade, from 1.2 million in 2000 to 2.75 million in 2010, according to an analysis of government data done by Bowling Green State University.
The 50-plus group represents nearly one-third of the approximately 7.5 million people of all ages who were living together in 2010, the researchers found.
But while young people tend to be testing the waters for marriage, experts say older people aren’t necessarily living together as a step toward tying the knot. They're doing it for the money.
“(They want to) enjoy many of the benefits of marriage without the burdens,” said Susan Brown, a professor of sociology at Bowling Green State University in Ohio who led the research.
Older couples may want to protect their individual nest eggs so they can pass the inheritance down to their kids. They also may not want to jeopardize a pension, Social Security payment or other benefit they are receiving because they are divorced or widowed. And they may not want to be financially responsible for the other person’s health care bills.
Some also may have a “been there, done that” mentality about marriage, Brown said. Her research found that 71 percent of older couples living together were divorced, and another 18 percent were widowed. On the other hand, she found, older people who end up remarrying are disproportionately widowed. (Brown has done other research looking at the surging divorce rate among older Americans.)
Tom Blake was 53 when his third marriage ended, and after the divorce was finalized he knew he wanted to start dating again. But he didn’t want to get married for a fourth time.
“I wasn’t looking for marriage, but I definitely wanted a relationship that was comfortable, enjoyable and non-confrontational,” he remembers.
Blake, who owns a deli in Dana Point, Calif., found that dating after age 50 was much harder than he had expected. His experiences eventually became fodder for a column and website that he’s been writing for almost 18 years.
Now 72, he’s been living with a woman for 11 years. They split their expenses evenly but keep their finances separate, an arrangement that he says has served them very well.
“What I learned for my own self was that I did not need to be married to be happy,” he said.
Some people prefer to keep their financial lives even more separate. Blake said he also hears from a lot of older people who are in long-term, committed relationships but don’t live together. He said some do that to keep the peace with their kids or grandkids who don’t like the idea of a live-in relationship.
Brown, the sociology professor, said the “living apart together relationship” is one she also knows exists but has had trouble quantifying.
“They’re very committed to each other (but they) don’t want to give up the autonomy that they have,” she said.
Although economics play a major role in these late-in-life relationship decisions, Brown said there are also noneconomic reasons older couples aren’t getting hitched.
Brown said some older women want a live-in relationship, but there’s something about actually getting married that seems stifling.
“They’ve taken care of one husband and raised one family, and they don’t want to do that again,” Brown said. “And they feel that if they get married that’s the underlying expectation.”
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This isn't too surprising considering that the over-50's are the baby boomers who made living together a common situation back in the sixties and seventies.
Older people should finally know what is best for them and act accordingly. Youth need not comment for it was older peoples mistakes that created you. Marriage after fifty is just not real practical for most older folks who are really just surviving day by day. All your risk factors go through the roof. I can only assume marriage to be a statement on commitment after fifty since starting a family is a bit unrealistic. Then there is the fifty plus years of baggage people have accumulated to bring home in a marriage. Makes the living quarters a bit small and cramped. It is not about marriage it is about people and what meets their needs. So get a life and move out of mommies/pops house. The truth is older adults do not get married because the prodigy outcomes on the first go around were really such a disaster. I hope this satisfies your youthful misguided indignate outrage. We adore you but get a life. Thanks your parents.
I agree with you except for the part about living day by day. It isn't like that for us, nor for any of the older people I know who are shackin. We're secure, traveling, entertaining, working, boinking and having more fun than we ever did in our unhappy marriages.
firelox72 I do not know how to gently break the new to you but you have been living the hippie life style your entire life. It was simply about choice and freedom to control your own choices. Welcome back to reality and the 21st century. You are all hippies ask anyone over sixty. I hope this does not destroy your illusion.
If you want to see marriage come to a screeching halt make divorce illegal.
James,
Divorce is not illegal, but it has been declining recently. It's not because men and women nowadays have found rapture in marriage as you would initially think. It's because American families have their heads underwater financially due to the real estate crisis. Most husband and wives would have to borrow big bucks from their parents, if they're still alive, to resolve the liability they have in their home to dissolve their marriage. So, divorce, for the moment, is not practical no matter what the relationship circumstances are. For better or for worse, marriages go on until things improve in the real estate market. You can bet that divorce courts will fill up should the real estate market improve substantially.
I'm really not well enough to get married again; I feel if I get married again and husband was to all of a sudden take ill I wouldn't be able to take care of him; I would feel guilty for the rest of my life.I'm not real sick but I'm not sixteen either.I take marriage vowels very seriously or I wouldn't have been married for 38 years to same guy either.Taking care of him by myself took a tole on me also; I don't think I'm capable of doing that again I'm just not strong enough.Do I miss being married? Yes i do eveyday.
Sin now, pay later!
I agree. It's not just the kids that get in a huff about the inheritance, it's the entire rest of the family that starts worrying that they won't get their fair share after waiting all this time. Been there and there is nothing pretty about getting together with the family that doesn't care if he's happy, it's about something else. Life is complicated and ugly when it comes to estates.
Also, sometimes it can be the man who out of $$ and a place to live, and moves in with her. My mom 'suddenly' and strangely died soon after remarrying. He lived in her house with her $$ for the rest of his years without ever having to worry about income or health insurance. Funny how things go.
We, the 50+ crowd, were in our single-digits in the 1960s, and the 60+ crowd were in their teens. We well remember when 'shacking up' was the rage among those of our generations, since that lasted well into the 1970s. So shacking up isn't new for us; we've already done it once...or twice...or thrice...before.
What goes around comes around, I suppose. I had good times back then, and I still am. ;)
was married for 30 yrs. had 4 great kids. the wife cheated, got caught and still expected me to support her. not making that mistake again.
as far as living in sin goes, in my neck of the woods, it ain't a sin if you don't stick it in-
She came in blowing...and when she left the house was gone!
As my mom puts it, her and her boyfriend will not get married til almost on their death beds. They would lose out on SS , their pensions with drop and they wont be able to survive.
I was married for 9 years to a son-of-a-b---h who thought our marriage license gave him the right to beat up my children and me. Back in the 70's, the courts and police looked the other way on domestic abuse. After 9 misarable years, I was finally financially and emotionally stable to divorce him. I decided then that I did not want to ever get married again due to not wanting to be "property" to some male. After 5 years of dating occasionally, I met my present partner - we've been living together for 32 years without a marriage license. We are both happy. We share the household expenses but we both have separate bank accounts for the remainder of our money. He is now legally blind - I could have left him when that happened but I am comitted to him - a marriage doesn't automatically give you security or comittment - you have to work at it with a lot of communication. Our children have no problem with us living together - his 3 and my 2 tell everyone they are brothers/sisters and we are their parents and grandparents to their 9. I'm still working but my mate had to take early disability retirement - if we were married, a portion of his social security would be taxed because of my income. So why get married - we are happy, have our own money, and don't get penalized by the government.
I'm 54, my fiance is 55. We are getting married in July. He's been married before but this is my first trip down the aisle. He works for Boeing, me in a medical clinic. We've looked at living together vs marriage; we want that "just a piece of paper" that says we made a committment to each other in front of our families and friends. If you are just living together there is no real committment, at least not in our eyes.
We looked at the financial issues. He will have a good retirement from Boeing, we both have 401K plans (I also have a profit sharing plan at work seperate from the 401K) plus we'll have our social security (for how long, who knows!). We will be quite comfortable.
It's a personal choice all the way around, but for us, there is a sanctity in marriage that we want. We're going into this with the thought of "till death do us part". We aren't going in thinking, "well, if it doesn't work out we'll just get divorced". That's the wrong attitude!! Any marriage gone into with that attitude is doomed from the beginning.
Marriage is for people who want to have kids. Period. I was married for 22 years and I will never, ever, do that again. Freedom rocks!
Maxgiver says living together is not a Christian thing to do - did it ever occur to you that not everyone in the world is a Christian? And considering how Christians feel about gays, I'd say that't not very Christian either. Just by virtue of being gay, you've probably had a lot of people criticize your lifestyle. And I bet you thought they were picking on you. Well now you're doing the same thing. You have no right to tell people what is and isn't Christian - and just assume everyone has your religious beliefs.
what
gives
you
the
right
to
attempt
to
confuse
his
freedom
of
speech
?
This sucks!!! I'm 49, married for 23 years, and didn't realize my wife and I were going to be an "older couple" next year! I thought 50 was the new 40???
alot of people that age have undercover relationships revolving around their nightlife or bar scene...they are still struggling for an unattainable solution.
they settle for a sexual relationship with people that are too embarassed to associate with them for the fear of what people will say behind their back.
they most likely aren't even attracted to the one they are with.
At least they are living in reality. You, on the other hand, are living a fantasy, and, to make it worse, you are spreading it around as the answer to everyone's problems, and, by the time those people who buy into it realize what a bunch of garbage it is, they have wasted a big portion of their lives.
pitiful, and sad...i feel bad
grow up michael! haha sounds like a teenage daughter
Been their------------Doing that !
i believe what people should be doing is reinvesting their attention to the issues within themselves that limit them and keep them from reaching the degree of personal intimacy which is essential to maintain a relationship between a man and a woman.
it is difficult to establish a marriage in the beginning but to keep it alive is another thing altogether. you need to be willing to sacrifice everything that was to obtain a new state with the person you want to join with.
if you are holding on to all the baggage, old trashy playboys from 1969 and sensual triggers and mental stimulations to get the job done...you aren't being fully honest with yourself or your partner. you need to see them when the lights are on and see them when they are off.
if you can't embrace this experience and hold to it as sacred...
you will let go long before the paperwork follows.
and when they realise you just don't care they will likely give you the excuse to cast blame upon them for the disintegration.
what is your priority? a weekly box of cigarettes? a glass of whiskey on the hour? letting the demons howl out your mouth everynight? a vegetable of the tv screen?
or your wife?
equalize the pressure, focus on the others needs rather than mistreating your body with artificial substitutes and enjoy the life you got going for yourself rather than destroying the better reason that holds it together. work is painful, your wife should be your painkiller...important for her to realise the same. if she doesn't appreciate you...she would seem like another part of the day to dodge to get to the escape.
you don't want to live for the escape, you want a real life to live for.
Jizzy,
One of the problems with the gift of intelligence is that it also comes with an epiphany that you may be completely wrong about your beliefs. BTW. Do you know what Jizz means in slang?
i completely agree with you 100% about beliefs.
but also insist...i am correct in my beliefs
the name on the left is more for you than it is for me, my gift to the conversation
i once tested my beliefs to an extreme, i questioned every conceivable question and pondered every doubt. i left it open to the unknown for years possibly or just a few...and when i came to the point i needed to release me from the restraints i had placed upon myself...i found the truth was in what i had believed and had survived my inquisition after all.
now i do not doubt, i wish to participate.
I only made one mistake in my life and that was when I thought I was wrong but I was right. Self - reaffirming delusion?
Oh there goes Grandma with her alternative lifestyle again...... Please MeMa not in everyones face....
Life... is what you make it!
I don't have any regrets about ever being NOT married. I'm only 61 yrs young. I've seen good and bad marriages, and good and bad shackin' together.
There's plenty of women out there. Just gotta find the one that fits your needs and lifestyle, without being regretful, later in life.
Things can be better or worse. Just don't whine! I can do bad and good--all by myself. Or, with someone.
Oh There goes Grandma with her alternative lifestyle again. Please MeMa not in everyone's face.....
The easy part of marriage is how easy it is to get out of.
The hard part is facing your own shortcomings.
This country is making a move away from morality in short order. The liberalism is sparked that movement by design. Just 50 years ago you would have never heard a story like this. Liberalism was but an infant then but the concensus the liberalism approach was taken to heart by many to have the motto "if it feels good do it".
The lack of morality will eventually take a turn to take this nation to it's knees it already hasn't with the liberals suuporting anything but common sense and christianity. The bashing of religion is gaining strength, the basic ideal the founding fathers focused on. Those ideas are deemed OUTDATED, if they are actually outdated we as a country are in trouble....just IMHO. That and $1.98 buys a dr.