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Subscribe to RSSIf you are coupled up, how do you handle your finances? Do you put all your money into one pot and share all your expenses? Do you still keep separate accounts and split expenses down the middle? Or do you use some hybrid system, maybe keeping a personal account on the side so your spouse doesn’t notice when you splurge on a pair of $400 shoes?
Slate has just launched a five-part series exploring the issue, based partly on an online survey that drew more than 5,800 responses.
The upshot: Married couples are most likely to pool their finances, while unmarried couples are most likely to keep things separate. Only 11 percent of married couples keep finances totally separate, while 53 percent of unmarried couples keep their bank accounts to themselves.
A cool widget allows you to explore the results of the survey and compare with your own financial preferences.
Granted, the Slate survey was not exactly a random sampling of the adult population, with 48 percent saying they have graduate degrees. But the results are consistent with scientific research on the same topic.
Future installments will look at how various couples chose their financial system and how they handle budget issues.
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My husband and I lived together for 13 years before we married. We bought a house and 2 cars in that time.
We always found that keeping separate accounts worked best for us. Although we have both names on all accounts I use my checking account and he uses his. Brokerage accounts - we rarely touch but do discuss our investments and decided those actions together.
1) We split the recurring bills - cable, water, electricity, house, etc.
2) Any large investments we discussed (by large i mean $400 or so) and decided yes/no and then split it.
3) If one didn't want to split or voted "no" and the other wnet ahead and paid for it fully then the payor had the entire decision (once I decided to paint the house so since I was paying - I picked the colors)
4) We funded our retirement funds fully
5) If we wanted to go out to dinner, etc, sometimes we split it, sometimes one paid.
6) Anything left over was declared our "disposable" income. He likes to buy/work on cars/motorcycles. I like to travel. We spent our disposable incomes as we liked - no arguments - period.
Since we both are pretty conservative this has worked very well for us for the last 23 years. We have money in the bank, no debt and a house paid for. Now we are living our retirement years and are happy about the way things turned out.
AND we NEVER argue about money.
We're in the 11 percent--(sort of; separate and pool), but I think the key is communication. You have to know each other, yourselves and as things change, not be afraid to adjust accordingly.
My wife and I both entered our marriage in our late 20's, with graduate degrees completed, and promising careers started. We have kept every dime separate every step of the way. For the most part I take care of most expenses, also since I make more than she does. We rarely discuss money issues, and only occasionally ask what each other paid for any new items we might notice. When it came time for me to buy a new car I splurged on a German car. Her only concern was that I not sacrifice what I was already putting into my 401K in order to make the payments. To be honest, I don't even know how much my wife has in savings, but I do know it's more than I have at the moment. Furthermore, I don't even care, that's her money not mine.
But are those motorcycle trips and travel done separately or together? It's one thing for the money to be separate, but if that funds TIME spent separately, that's a recipe for arguments about more serious things than money.
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We keep our finances pretty similar to how you keep yours. We each have out own bills that we pay. We take turns shopping, paying for dinner, buying the kids' clothes. I pay the mortgage. She pays for all the home bills. We NEVER tell each other how to spend each others disposable income. If she or I want something and we have the money, we buy it. It's my money and I earned it. I can save it or spend it. Same for my wife. Great system. No arguments.
40 years ago as we were dateing we keept all our money apart till the wedding (6months later). Since then it has all been together. It helped that we really didn't have much. About $400 after the wedding and honeymoon were over, about $600 which wasn't much money even in 1970. It is just a matter of trust and teamwork. Because we started on the same page and love and trust each other it works. Without love and trust it cannot work no matter what system you use for money.
RIGHT ON!
my wife and i keep things together in one little pile - but the key is to never argue about money - good for you two, that's very admirable, and commendable.
life is too short to argue with the ones you love. my hardest part of having money pooled, is spending enough of it on my wife! i really don't spend any on myself, but really like getting her "stuff" when she has a desire...
we both have side jobs that provide us each with some "fun money"...although for the last few years, that money has never made it to our fun money account - it has been needed to pay the bills...for now...
;~)
While dating we kept our money separate of course, but my view of marriage is that two people become one in life which meant trusting eachother enough to put everything together. We have only been married a year and a half, have moved, bought a new house, and worked together to get ahead; all with no fighting about money. Any major expense is a joint decision. And we couldn't be happier!
You guys are on the right track, Liz; it's all about trust and sharing. Good luck, and much continued happiness!
My wife and I keep our money separate. I pay the house payment, car insurance, cell bill. She pays for the monthly bills, groceries and incidentals. When it comes to a huge bil, like property tax, we pool our money. It works out well for us.
The reason my wife and I have different accounts is simple. We both know each others accounts and passwords, the difference is that we don't accidentally overdraw our back account, that gets expensive.
If we kept our money separate, that would only cause resentment. I make more money than my wife, and her "half" of the bills would leave her with nothing left over. All major purchases are discussed, but I manage the overall finances (retirement, savings, etc) so I tend to be the one saying "yes we can afford this, no we can't afford that, etc". I do this mostly because she is not interested, not because I'm a control freak. If there's something that one of us really wants that we can't afford, we save for it. Together.
It works because your both honest with each other and your wife must listen to "no".
I couldn't imagine marying someone who wasn't honest. She doesn't "listen to no" but rather we BOTH understand economic realities and know how to compromise and work towards common goals with the person that we promised to do just that. I thought that's what marriage IS...
We keep separate accounts for paying bills and short-term fun spending. We keep long-term savings in joint "do not touch" accounts. Meaning.... we cannot touch those funds unless the other knows and agrees with it. Now, it's much easier because both spouses work. This may not work as well if there is only one working spouse.
For us, we argue over a lot of silly things but NEVER about money. :o)
My wife and I pooled our money from the git-go right after marrying and in hindsight this was not a good choice. I guess I didnt know her as well as I thought and over the years she spent money on many many items that were unneccesary and sometimes way out of our budget, therefore creating a large debt on credit cards since our cash was in low supply at bill time. Just in the past months I finally got my own account and now she is forced to not waste money on frivolous things but its too little too late and our marraige is deteriorated because of the extra strain this caused. Beware to all you naive men like me who think your wife isnt gonna blow your hardearned money on shoes and purses! you will end up alone,broke and with a well dressed ex wife! lol
We used a joint account for my paycheck to come into. Big, recurring or ordinary expenses would be payed from this account. That was about 70% our household income. 20% would go to my wife's account so she could take care of household extras, unexpected items or how she saw fit. I'd put 10% into my account for lunch and how I wanted.
Pool all money-pay all household bills, set aside money for short and/or long term savings and retirement. If you are lucky enough to have anything left over, split it equally and let each spouse do whatever they want with their discretionary income.
If you start with different amounts of money, keep your money separate. Also have a joint account. Decide how to fund this account together.
Biggie - it goes both ways. I married a man who owns his own business, but hadn't paid taxes for years. It took about a year before I discovered the situation and 2 more years before he understood how dire the situation was. The taxes are now current because he liquidated everything he could, and borrowed everything he could. Will they be current in 2011 when he has to pay them out of current income? Not sure yet. We do argue about money and I'm not sure the marriage will survive. My first husband also stuck me with $20,000 of his credit card debt that he incurred after the divorce. It was a bankruptcy situation and there were still joint credit cards. So ladies, watch out for the slippery guys. Keep it separate for a while, until you know all of the facts!
My husband and I keep our money completely separate. All bills are split down the middle. If we buy something for us, we split the payment. If we want something individually, we consult the other if it's a large purchase, but I don't think either of us has ever said no to the other. Seems to work well - we have never once fought about money.
Never allow the other spouse to have control of "their" money. It has to be a partnership and know where each spends the money. Give each an allowance and if they put some money from it to a separate "fun fund", so be it. It was their money.
Control all credit cards between the two. Do not allow one to have any credit cards the other does not know about.
We have a joint checking account for convenience and joint savings. In addition my wife keeps her own savings account and her own Visa account, and this is because if anything happened to me that she would have a credit record in her own name. Just common sense.
We have a yours, mine and ours accounts. The joint account is for the home. If she wants to purchase golf clubs that's fine with me, that comes out of her bank account and I don't see any statements. We've been married over 20 years. She doesn't question my purchases. In fact, a few years ago she purchased a new car, in the garage is the first I learned about it. Home modifications is a joint financial commitment. This works well for use.
We have a yours, mine and ours accounts. The joint account is for the home. If she wants to purchase golf clubs that's fine with me, that comes out of her bank account and I don't see any statements. We've been married over 20 years. She doesn't question my purchases. In fact, a few years ago she purchased a new car, in the garage is the first I learned about it. Home modifications is a joint financial commitment. This works well for use.
We have a yours, mine and ours accounts. The joint account is for the home. If she wants to purchase golf clubs that's fine with me, that comes out of her bank account and I don't see any statements. We've been married over 20 years. She doesn't question my purchases. In fact, a few years ago she purchased a new car, in the garage is the first I learned about it. Home modifications is a joint financial commitment. This works well for use.
I know a couple that kept everything separate: pay half for everything, and don't ask about the leftovers. There came a situation where somebody wanted a divorce, but this is a community property state, they've been married for several years, and the allegedly cheating spouse had credit cards and loans the other spouse didn't know about. Since they were married when the debt was incurred, guess what?
In my marriage we pool everything, and since our communication is good that works out okay most of the time. I won't say I've never rushed to the bank to deposit money for a charge I didn't know about, but those situations are rare. Most decisions we make in tandem, because we're together most of the time anyway. Splitting stuff is probably fine if it works for you, but there probably shouldn't be a lot of money secrets between spouses. I mean, not knowing the exact amount in a spouse's savings account? No big deal. Not knowing that there is a credit card floating around with a $5,000 limit? Bad. And maybe indicative of other issues.
We have a yours, mine and ours accounts. The joint account is for the home. If she wants to purchase golf clubs that's fine with me, that comes out of her bank account and I don't see any statements. We've been married over 20 years. She doesn't question my purchases. In fact, a few years ago she purchased a new car, in the garage is the first I learned about it. Home modifications is a joint financial commitment. This works well for use.
We have a yours, mine and ours accounts. The joint account is for the home. If she wants to purchase golf clubs that's fine with me, that comes out of her bank account and I don't see any statements. We've been married over 20 years. She doesn't question my purchases. In fact, a few years ago she purchased a new car, in the garage is the first I learned about it. Home modifications is a joint financial commitment. This works well for use.
Been married three times and this last time for over 25 years and learned a few things along the way and one of those things is to always have separate accounts and decide who is responsible for paying for what. Two positives develop out of this the first being mutual respect, no one appreciates anything that's just handed to them and that doesn't wear off in adulthood, and the second is keeping each partner engaged in running the household because if not, the partner with no responsibility doesn't understand why his wife is crying at the table on the thin months when the bills are piling up. (yep I was that one) When you're not involved you get lulled into thinking the money just magically appears in your creditors mailboxes, it doesn't. And always remember something I learned a long time ago anyone that says "you don't love me if you won't" really means " I won't love you if you don't". When you hear that last one and don't run like hell this will be the best piece of advice you never took.
My wife and I have seperate yet all are joint accounts. After 29 married years, it just works. We do maintain a running knowledge of all current financial affairs and cummunicate as a courtesy along the way. I enjoy making sure she always has more than me....wow, does she know how to say thanks! Larry, and loving it.
Separate accounts, especially credit cards. Each responsible for excessive spending. Limits tension in the household.